Total Drama Deception
by The Sarcasm Master
Summary: A...different kind of SYOC fic. Join twelve OCs as they battle against the evil forces of evil as well as some weird basketball player with an ocean fetish. Will they survive? Will they die? Will anyone care? Probably not. Randomness included, common sense not included. Laughs 99.9999999999% guaranteed.
1. The Sign Ups OF DOOM!

Heyo! I'm looking for 12 OCs, 6 boys and 6 girls, to compete on the next season of Total Drama! Total Drama Deception!

Sign up sheets are below, and there is limited time to sign up.

Name:

Gender:

Stereotype:

Physical Appearance:

Clothing:

Bio:

Personality:

Fears:

Audition Tape:

That's all I need! Hope to see you all soon!


	2. Welcome to Hell, May I Take Your Order?

Chris McLean was a very practiced and predictable soul. Everything he did was in some way to the emotional detriment and/or physical harm of others. That was the way it had always been for him. And he would be the only one to truly be looking forward to the coming season, despite his cheesy fake grin and practiced enthusiasm. Total Drama Deception was going to be an interesting experience for one very particular reason.

The thirteenth contestant.

The sadistic host had been surprised when he'd gotten not one, not two, not three, but four generations of willing volunteers for the show. He truthfully found it amusing that these kids would watch the previous seasons and then tell their parents that they wanted to be on Total Drama. By the end of the season, everything they thought they knew was wrong.

Chris cleared his throat as he finished his usual introductory speech about how Total Drama was the best thing since sliced bread and how much more dramatic this season was going to be than the last one. You know, the usual stuff.

"And with that being said-" Chris began.

"What being said?" came Chef's voice from the distance. "I didn't hear you say anything!"

Chris groaned. "And with that being said-"

"Did I seriously miss your entire speech? I mean, I heard you say, 'and with that being said,' perfectly clearly, but it just seemed to be silent before that!"

Chris hissed through his teeth. "And with that being said, Chef appears to be going deaf, and-"

"I AM NOT!"

"Okay, Chef does NOT appear to be going deaf." Chris leaned over and whispered to one of the interns. "Keep a sedative on you just in case. I think Chef's going crazy."

"I! AM NOT! CRAZY!"

"And it appears as though Chef has developed some kind of super hearing," Chris warned the intern. "Be careful what you say."

Chris turned back to the camera. "Okay, with that being said-"

"THERE WERE NO QUOTATION MARKS! HOW WAS THERE ANYTHING BEING SAID?"

"SHUT UP, CHEF!" Chris snarled, before turning back to the camera. "Let's introduce our contestants, shall we?"

The usual boat pulled up and the first contestant walked out with an excited and slightly creepy grin on her face. She was short, with a shirt that read "slash fan 4eva," and had long, braided black hair.

"OMG CHRIS MCLEAN!" exclaimed the girl, hugging the host.

Chris cringed slightly. "That's great, Leslie, but-" A tiny squeak escaped his mouth as Leslie grabbed his nuts.

"Do not call me that ever again, or else I'll shove a plastic spoon as well as something else down your throat _and you'll never see the light of day. _My name is Sunflower, _got it?" _she hissed, and Chris nodded frantically, afraid of this newcomer. Leslie let go, and Chris sighed in relief.

"Oh my gosh, are you and Chef a couple?" Sunflower asked. "I think I could really help with that," she said with a seductive wink.

"Oh, look, the next boat is coming up!" Chris exclaimed, laughing frantically. "Maybe the other contestants will be better than SIERRA 2.0 HERE!"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME? DID YOU JUST COMPARE ME TO _SIERRA? _THAT BITCH GOT ME WITH A-" Sunflower's mouth was covered by Chef, who was wearing round shades for some reason.

"Shh, no spoilers."

The second boat arrived and an inconspicuous, scrawny looking guy with glasses, blond hair and blue eyes walked out, biting his lip and looking rather nervous.

Chris yawned. "Michael. Welcome."

"I don't have much to say to you," was Michael's response.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever Mike."

Michael groaned. "Please just call me Michael. I don't really care to be compared to...that guy."

"Whatever you say, Mike," Chris said irritatingly.

The third contestant got off.

"LELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELLELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELLELELELELELELELELELELELECABBAGELLELELELELELELELELLELELELELELELE!"

"What the..." Chris said in silent amazement.

"I'M LEBRON :LING JAMES AND YOU GOTTA DEAL WITH IT!"

Chris looked to Chef, who shrugged, and promptly dunked him in the ocean, holding his head under until he died.

And then disintegrated for some reason.

"He wasn't on the list," Chef said defensively.

"Moving on," Chris said irritably.

A scrawny competitor who bore a slight resemblance to Ezekiel walked onto the dock with a huge grin on his face. "Da Zeke is impressed! This place is huge, eh!"

"What. Is. This." Michael said in blank shock.

"I'm da Zeke! I was a competitor in two seasons!"

"No, you look and sound different, but if you could throw yourself into a volcano again, that would be wonderful," said Chris.

"I SHIP IT!" Sunflower yelled randomly from the background.

"Whatev," said the Zeke.

Chris looked at the contract. "It says here that your name is Thomas-"

"IT'S DA ZEKE!"

"OKAY!" Chris shouted. "FINE! YOU'RE...ugh...DA ZEKE, OKAY? I JUST HOPE YOU GET OUT FIRST, OKAY?"

The fourth contestant and fifth contestants arrived at the same time. The girl had long, platinum blond hair that almost passed her waist, and wore a white dress with...wait, this is a whole lot of description here! I can't put all that in! So, um, if anyone wants to know exactly how this character looks, just check the character reviews.

Wait, did I just say all that?

...

...

...

YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.

The boy had strangely spiky black hair, like something out of an anime. He appeared to be arguing with his sister. "Have you seen this show? It's for sadists and psychopaths, and it's run by one. I still say we get the hell out of here while we still can."

"It'll be fine, Midnight," was the elegant girl's response.

"It's a reality TV show, how bad could it be?" Chris said with a wink to the camera. "Aurora, Midnight, welcome. Your parents have an interesting taste in names."

"We come from a wealthy family," Aurora explained politely.

"DA ZEKE LIKES!"

One guess as to who said _that._

"Shut up," Michael groaned. "Just shut up."

"I SHIP IT!"

Another one guess as to who said _that._

The sixth contestant arrived with some degree of flare. "MATTHEW, TO THE RESCUE!"

He proceeded to pull an Izzy and hit his chin on the edge of the dock.

Aurora and Midnight helped to pull him out, and birds flew around his head.

"Orange purple marshmallow...star...huh..." He fell over, unconscious.

"Whatever," Chris yawned. "Say hi to Matthew, everyone."

"Hi Matthew," said everyone.

The seventh contestant arrived calmly, a book tucked underneath his arm. He appeared to be rather short

"Please welcome Peter, everyone!" Chris called.

"It's a pleasure to be here," Peter said calmly. "I hope we can all be friends here, because I can be a total prick to my enemies."

"I'll keep that in mind," Chris said, while rubbing his hands with glee.

Peter walked so that he was standing next to Sunflower, who appeared to be looking him over. "Not interested," he snapped, and pushed her away. Sunflower tumbled into Zeke, who fell right into Aurora's cleavage, who fell backwards into her brother.

"Hey guys, look, I'm awake!" Matthew called, standing up, right as Midnight crashed into him and sent him crashing into the water.

"Tyler and Matthew would get along just fine," Chris commented cheerfully, and he and Chef exchanged a high five.

The eighth contestant arrived rather inconspicuously. She had dark brown, choppy hair and green eyes, and wore a black blouse with light gray skinny jeans.

"Leanne," Chris yawned.

"Don't care," the girl replied with a roll of her eyes. "I have better things to do than to listen to you all day."

Chris sighed. "Whatever. Be distant. That's cool with me."

The ninth contestant, to general surprise, was not Trent. Not even close to being Trent. The boy was skinny and pale, with light blue eyes and messy hair. He seemed to project an aura of calmness and self-certainty.

"Please welcome James, everyone!" Chris called.

"Please don't," he yawned, before standing next to Michael. He didn't say another word to anyone, causing Chris to shrug.

"Don't know what his problem is," Chris said.

Janet was the tenth contestant to arrive. And in a similar vein to Matthew, she arrived in flare. Namely, with a confident grin on her face and a calm stride.

"Please welcome Janet," Chris yawned as Janet walked confidently through the area, not saying a word to the others. "Friendly group, they are."

"Okay, now we have...um...Jay-ro. Say hi to Jay-ro, everyone!"

A Hispanic boy walked furiously onto the dock. "Idiot," he sneered. "My name is pronounced Hay-doe, you imbecile. Now get out of my way." He roughly shoved Chris aside. Chris waved his arms frantically as he was about to fall, but Chef placed his hand on Chris's back and helped him up.

"JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY!" Leslie called.

The eleventh contestant arrived while Chris had steam coming out of his ears. She appeared to be a cowgirl.

"G'day mates!" she chirped.

"THAT'S AUSTRALIAN, NOT COUNTRY!" Chef called from the distance.

"Sorry, just wanted to do that," Lauren grinned. "Nice to meet all of you."

"FINALLY!" Michael gasped. "SOMEONE NORMAL!"

Zeke tapped Michael on the shoulder. "I...I saw boobies."

The final contestant walked in calmly, and ignored the looks she got for her long pink hair and rather large breasts.

"Wow, you're short," Chris said. "How...um...how do you have these proportions? What are you, five foot zero?"

The girl shrugged. "Don't ask. The name's Belinda. It's nice to meet everyone!"

Chris sighed. "Yeah, that's great. Go stand with everyone else. So we've got Jay-ro, a short girl with assets, a female Noah, an Ezekiel wannabe, a couple of antisocial freaks, the new Tyler, a badass, two wealthy people that I don't even know why they're here if they're already wealthy, and a creepy stalker that according to Interpol abducted two of my former contestants at one point and tried to make them have sex."

He burst out laughing. "I'm loving it! But we have one more contestant to introduce."

"I thought you said there were only twelve," James yawned.

"Nope! Our thirteenth contestant will be out shortly!"

The thirteenth contestant walked calmly out of the boat. The boy was incredibly skinny, almost starved, and only of about average height. His hair was dyed black and spiked, and he wore a black t-shirt with a distorted, screaming face on it. His eyes were closed, and he walked down the dock.

"Please welcome Adrian!" Chris said cheerfully. "You going to say anything, Adrian?"

Adrian opened his eyes. The entire eye was black. Not just the eye itself, but the whites, all of it.

Leslie ran over to him. "OMG! YOU'RE A DEMON FROM SUPERNATURAL! DO YOU KNOW SAM AND DEAN? HAVE THEY EVER MADE OUT? OR DID DEAN MAKE OUT WITH CASTIEL I HAVE TO-"

"Shut up," was his response. Beneath his raspy voice was a second, deep, distorted voice. He turned his blank eyes to see McLean. "Chris. I didn't honestly expect you'd let me in after my audition tape was of me murdering my dog."

Lauren gasps. "You murdered a dog?"

"Better than murdering a person, dipshit," he told the cowgirl, and everyone took an involuntary step back. "Are the cameras rolling?" he asked Chris.

"That they are," Chris said smugly. "No hurting the host. The others are free reign-"

Stab.

Chris looked down to see the knife in his chest. Screams echoed throughout the dock as all the campers scrambled away from the demon, running for their lives.

Chef snapped his fingers in mild irritation. "God dammit, someone else stabbed him before I could." He proceeded to put on his shades and ran away, screaming like a little girl.

"Sorry to cut this competition short, but really," the demon-possessed boy chuckled. "I'd like to have a little fun. After all..." He looked around, to see that everyone else was gone. "Um, hello? I was talking! And you all walk out on my speech?"

He sighed in mild annoyance. "How rude."

* * *

**If you haven't already guessed, this is not your normal SYOC fic. I'm not one for competition fics, and this started as more of an experiment than anything. What would happen if I made a SYOC fic? I found that the story received more views in one day than my Tyler-centric oneshot received in two months. I found it curious, and was originally planning to be a troll about it and kill off all the characters first chapter.**

**But what I didn't expect was that some of these characters either were actually good, or could be really funny to watch. If your character didn't show up, know that it was nothing personal, but I chose not based on how many signed up, but what the potential for humor was. This is going to be a...different kind of SYOC fic.**

**I recommend you all read ThePessimisticRainbow's "Define Sexytime" if you haven't already. Leslie comes from there, and she is just as hilarious there. I hope you all keep reading, because I'm certainly enjoying myself, and I hope you will too.**

**Also, I've posted a poll on my profile asking about what people think of SYOC fics in general.**

**Ciao.**


	3. The Chris is Dead, Long Live the Chris!

As the contestants fled from the demon-possessed contestant who had graciously murdered the host and spared them from a season-long torment, they began to realize that the island was indeed Wawanakwa, which had supposedly sunk during All Stars in the shit-fest, I mean, epic battle of a finale. Yeah, that's what I meant to say.

...

...

...nope, couldn't keep a straight face. Ahem, moving on. Anyway, the twelve contestants realized that they were on Wawanakwa.

"Has anyone realized that we're on Wawanakwa?" Matthew asked.

"Of course, yo!" said da Zeke. "I was on the first season, remember?"

"I'm not going to even bother, because one, you lasted only two episodes, and two, you're not Ezekiel," Leanne sighed.

"I SHIP DA ZEKE AND EZEKIEL!" cried Sunflower/Leslie. "THEY'D GET ALONG SO WELL TOGETHER!"

Da Zeke scratched his head. "What do you mean? I AM Zeke. So you ship me with myself? Like, maybe a particular part of myself, like my hand? Because that might actually be pretty-"

"THAT'S ALL WE NEED TO HEAR, THANK YOU," Michael said hurriedly, trying to stop the mental picture growing like a virus in his brain.

The twelve contestants were camped out in a cave. Janet was on watch duty after she'd single-handedly driven out the bear that had been living in the cave. No one had objected to this.

"So can we like divide up into sane people and people-to-sacrifice-to-the-demon-should-the-need-arise?" Peter asked, saying the second option very quickly so that the others could barely hear him.

"That actually sounds really good," James replied with a shrug.

"ALRIGHT, PEOPLE!" Michael ordered. "I'M TAKING CHARGE, OKAY? IF WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT OUT OF HERE, WE HAVE TO HAVE A PLAN!"

Janet walked inside. "Good, we have a plan! I was getting pretty freaking bored."

"After wrestling a bear, of course," Leanne sighed drolly.

"I say we do a head count," Michael said. "Peter's my lieutenant. Okay? Head count. Me, Peter."

"Les-I mean Sunflower!" the stalker yelled.

"Midnight. Are we really sure this is necessary-"

"MATTHEW IS HERE AND TO THE RESCUE!"

"DA ZEKE, YO!"

"Aurora. Is there a dignified way to use the restroom here?"

"I'm James. I assume you guys have forgotten about me...anyone listening?"

"Jairo. Pronounced Hay-roe, imbeciles. Not as if any of you could actually get it right the first time."

"Belinda!" the short girl called.

"Who?" said da Zeke. "I thought you were short-girl-with-pink-hair-and-big-boobs!"

"Screw you!" she snarled.

"I'm Lauren!"

"Nobody cares," quoteth Leanne.

"And I'm here, although you all already know that," Janet said cheerfully.

"That's all twelve of us," said Peter. "Now here's what's going to happen. We're going to split up into two groups. One group will draw Adrian away from the camp, while the other will enter camp and call for help. We clear? Matthew will assign the groups."

Matthew cleared his throat. "Sunflower, da Zeke, Belinda, Aurora, Matthew, and Janet. You guys will lead them away. Janet's in charge." He turned to Janet and muttered an aside. "Sorry I stuck you with these losers, but they're pretty much fodder anyway."

"The rest of you, Peter, Jairo, James, Leanne, Midnight, and Lauren will be led by me. We'll sneak into camp."

Belinda rose her hand as Matthew and Zeke tried placing their elbow on her shoulder...at the same time. "Why am I with these guys?"

"Because you're a freak of nature. 4'9 and curvy? In what world is that a good body design?" Peter sneered.

"I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M LIKE THIS, I JUST KNOW THAT I AM!" she cried.

"At the very least I wasn't stuck with those morons," Jairo sneered.

"NO!" Midnight growled. "I need to protect my sister!"

"...Elsa?"

"HER NAME IS AURORA!"

"I seriously thought it was Elsa," James said, and James, Peter, and Matthew looked at each other and exchanged a three-way shrug.

Midnight growled, clenching his fists. "How about I shove my fist right up your ass!"

"Did someone say something about shoving something up another person's ass?" Sunflower popped her head into the conversation.

Peter proceeded to give her a withering death glare. Sunflower backed away and proceeded to rejoin her group.

"Sunflower, if you keep popping over to the boys and not having anything to contribute, we're going to have to kick you out," said Janet.

"I have something to contribute!" the creeper chirped.

"I shouldn't be here," Belinda pouted.

"Go ahead," Janet sighed.

"We need to trap the demon in a six-pronged star! That way he can't get out! I saw it on Supernatural!"

"That's...a TV show," Aurora said in shock. "And I can't function without my brother. He's been there for me since I was small. I can't imagine a life without him. I need him, and he needs me," she said wistfully, almost swooning.

Everyone stared blankly at her. Sunflower was the one to break the silence. "Okay, even _I_ don't ship that."

Meanwhile, Michael had pulled Peter and James aside. "You two are the only two I trust. We've got the Hispanic sneerer, the whiny rich kid Midnight, that incredibly boring Lauren, and then the female Noah. Seriously, I thought that the second generation was bad."

"Chris must be scraping empty on the barrel," Peter noted. "I could probably make a poem about his life. Perhaps a haiku. _Chris was an asshole. He got killed by a demon. Everyone rejoiced. _What do you think?"_  
_

"Sounds pretty accurate," James said cheerfully. "I wonder what happened to Chef, though."

Michael sighed. "As bad as our team is, it's nothing compared to Elsa, Ezekiel, Sierra 2.0, freak of nature, and Superwimp. Janet's the only one I trust on their team and I genuinely hope she doesn't die."

Janet, meanwhile, was probably going to end up being killed by one of her teammates. She'd tried to have a team huddle, but when she'd placed her arm on Sunflower's side, she'd cried out in pain, saying something about how the wound from "that bitch" still hurt when touched.

"I need Midnight! He's the only one who can contain my dark side!"

Zeke scratched his head. "If your clothes are casting shadows on your skin you could always take them off."

Another instant and the elegant girl held him by the collar. "Say that again."

"If your clothes are casting shadows on your skin, you could always take them off, eh! What's the problem here, homie?"

Matthew attempted to intervene. "Whoa whoa whoa. We all need to work as a team here. Can't have us killing each other, now can we?"

"Can we dunk him in the ocean too?" Aurora asked viciously.

"Why can't we all just get along?" Belinda sighed melodramatically.

"Let him go," Janet ordered Aurora. Grudgingly, she dropped him on the ground, causing him to cry out in pain. "I hope you turn into a zombie again, Smeagol," she hissed at him, a snake tongue protruding between her teeth for some unexplained unimaginable reason. No one asked.

Michael clapped his hands once. "Clap your hands once if you can hear me."

Clap.

"Clap your hands twice if you can hear me."

Clap clap. Da Zeke had clapped three times at this, prompting a melting gaze from Elsa, I mean Aurora. Eventually, the more Michael tried to get the attention of people, the more fights broke out. Janet attempted to intervene between Aurora and da Zeke, only to brush against Sunflower. The stalker let out a noise like a cat getting stepped on and pounced on Janet, sending them both crashing into the fighting duo.

Matthew attempted to help but tripped over his own cape, knocking Midnight into the dogpile as well.

Peter and James just watched in barely contained amusement. Peter turned to look at James. "It's really a shame that we don't have any popcorn."

Michael just facepalmed.

* * *

Adrian was feeling pretty smug and satisfied with himself as he proceeded to piss on Chris's corpse before leaving it in the women's bathroom. Demon as he was, he was incredibly immature, and left Chris naked in an inappropriate position, not even giving him the dignified exit Chris had always wanted but had never deserved. He giggled all the way while doing it as if he were a naughty schoolchild. Or Mal. Either one, really. Stupid pencil god...

As he walked back outside, he contemplated the mysteries of the universe, such as the origins of life, his place in it, why he did what he did, and why he'd seen that LEL guy naked in the ocean making some...incredibly strange noises that even a demon of hell had found too frightening to investigate.

The interns, surprisingly, had not run away in terror at the sight of him, instead bowing down to him as if he were a god. "You have saved our lives, and we are eternally grateful." It amused him to no end that they'd rather serve a demon of hell as opposed to Chris McLean. The interns had trashed the entire camp out of rage, and Adrian had allowed them access to Chef's secret gun stash. Pretty much everything had been burned to the ground.

Adrian sat calmly in Chris's quarters, which had been stripped of all of Chris's more extravagant purchases, but still remained his. One of the interns, the chubby one, entered the room and knelt before him. "What is thy bidding, my master?"

Adrian chuckled. "Get up! No need for that. I won't have you slaving for another person! I don't want your eternal loyalty! I just want your loyalty for a week or so...with extended warranty."

The chubby intern rose to his feet. "Okay, but seriously, what do you want us to do?"

Adrian stretched. "Get yourselves fed first. Some clean clothes. Let out a little steam. Until you feel you've fully avenged Chris's monstrosities, do not stop. And then, after you've done that, you'll do one thing for me and one thing only." Adrian rose to his feet and smirked.

"And that is?" the intern asked excitedly.

"Killing every last contestant on this island. You've seen how they're just as apathetic to your fates as Chris was. They watched as some of you were eaten by alligators, placed in hospitals, and they didn't care."

The chubby intern saluted the new boss. "Yes sir! It will be done! I'll gather the rest of the interns."

"Wait," Adrian said, concern entering his voice. "Be sure, like I said, to fill up. You all should enjoy your new freedom for a while. And also, be on the lookout for Chef. He could prove a handful."

"Yes sir!" said the intern, and walked outside. Two seconds later, he walked back in, eyes wide.

"What is it?"

The intern just stared. "I went outside and there was a naked guy humping the ocean."

Adrian just facepalmed.


	4. Who's That Pokemon? IT'S MIDNIGHT!

The two groups of six set out from their cave cautiously, as they knew that there could be an ambush in store for them. They didn't know whether Adrian was intelligent or dumb, so they had no earthly idea what to expect from him. They had divided into the two groups, and everyone in the sane group was happy about this but Midnight.

"I need to be with my sister! She can't survive without me!" he whined.

"She had a forked tongue. I think she'll be just fine," Jairo sighed, placing an irritated hand to his temple.

"But I've always been there for her, protecting her from Pokemon! They run away at the sight of us!"

"Yes, yes, that's great," Jairo groaned, but then stopped in his tracks. "Wait, Pokemon?"

"Did I just hear that right?" Michael asked.

"Yes!" Midnight said. "I've always protected her from Pokemon! They're vile little beings, ya know?" (Disclaimer: I'm not making this up. Check the bio of Midnight in the character reviews. I honestly don't know what the reviewer was thinking.)

"Ahem, yes," Peter said snidely, "that's wonderful. Michael, are we sure it isn't too late to shunt this moron over into the fodder group?"

"Sadly, it's too late," Michael sighed. "They've already gone. James will give the signal when they're ready."

"What about me?" asked Lauren.

"You can just stand there and do nothing. It's all you've been doing this whole time," Leanne replied.

"Yeah. No offense, but you're kind of boring," James said.

"THE POKEMON ARE GONNA GET HER, I JUST KNOW IT!" Midnight cried in terror, only to be slapped by Jairo.

"Get a grip, or otherwise I'll take pleasure in pushing you off the cliff," Jairo said, a condescending tone in his voice.

The six saner (except for Midnight) individuals peered down at the camp, looking around for their six compatriots. What they didn't know, but probably could have guessed, was that the fodder group were having problems of their own.

Janet, Elsaurora, da Zeke, Matthew, Leslie, and Belinda were trekking through the woods in the general direction of the camp, and arguing all the way.

"Sooooo," Sunflower said. "The only two dudes here are Matthew and Zeke, so..." she tried to nudge the two together, only to have them both just glare at her. "Heh heh heh...heh...never mind."

"I miss my brother," Aurora whined. "He's always protected me from Pokemon."

"YOU PLAY POKEMON?" da Zeke asked, peering over her shoulder. "I PLAY POKEMON! WE SHOULD GET MARRIED, EH!"

Aurora hissed, pawing Zeke's face and causing him to cry out in pain. "AGH, SHE HAS CLAWS!"

Janet was ignoring her team, keeping towards the front. Belinda trailed behind her. "So, what's your life like back home?" the pink-haired girl asked Janet.

"It doesn't matter, we're here, and we should keep moving," Janet told her, teeth grit.

"Are my proportions really that weird?" she asked.

"You're a midget, Belinda. And yet you have big breasts and a curvy body. Of course that's weird. Then there's the pink hair and your insistence that you're shy and a nerd. Seriously?"

"I _am_ a nerd, you big meanie!" Belinda sniffed. "I use glasses and everything! I PLAY CALL OF DUTY FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?"

"Yeah, I'm done talking to you," Janet sighed. "Go join everyone else, please."

Belinda started crying and walked back to everyone else. Matthew rushed up to her. "What's wrong?" he asked softly.

"JANET'S BEING A BIG MEAN MEANIE WHO'S MEAN!"

Matthew ignored the total redundancy of that statement, and tried comforting her. "It'll be okay. I don't think you're weird."

"Ew, hetero pairing!" Sunflower gagged.

"I MISS MY BROTHER!"

Zeke scratched his head. "Uh, I could act like your brother, eh? So you don't feel so depruned?"

"I think you mean depressed," Matthew corrected.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's depruned."

Janet sighed deeply from the front, and stopped in her tracks when she realized that the camp was right in front of them. Everyone else stopped and looked up. "Holy..."

The entire campgrounds had been wrecked, set ablaze, and all sorts of other carnage. Interns patrolled with jubilant grins on their faces.

_"Ding dong, the Chris is dead. Which old Chris? THE WICKED CHRIS!"_

"The interns?" Janet asked rhetorically.

"I bet that they're slaves to that Adrian guy now, doing his every bidding, whenever he wants it, whenever he needs it. Anything he wants would be his because he has their undying loyalty for killing Chris. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try to find a bedroom just in case I'm right and Adrian is a sadomasochist. And gay. With any luck, at least." Sunflower proceeded to walk directly into the camp.

Matthew attempted to stop her but Janet slapped his hand away. "Let her go. She's doing what she thinks is right, and-"

"James hasn't given us the signal yet!" Matthew growled, and Janet's eyes widened in an "oh crap" kind of realization.

"WAIT, COME BACK!" Janet yelled, and the interns all turned to look at them, and at Sunflower standing right there. The female intern with braces grinned and aimed what appeared to be a regular water gun at Leslie.

WHOOOOOOOOSH.

Sunflower/Leslie screamed as she was washed away by the huge blast, but it wasn't a scream of terror. "OMG! IT'S THE WATER GUN FROM SEASON 1! I GOT SQUIRTED WITH IT! I GOT SQUIRTED WITH IT! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"

The six saner people heard all of this. Peter sighed. "I could make a joke about this...nah, too easy."

"Should we help them?" James asked, seemingly concerned. The six remained silent for a moment. Contemplating morality, and whether they should help their brethren or not, because they all knew the ones down there would do the same for them.

Then they all burst out laughing, slapping their knees and the like.

"Place your bets, everyone!" Michael called. "I'll take all bets, okay?"

"Ten bucks on Sunflower dying first!" James said, still laughing.

"I bet on Zeke dying first, if he wants to live up to his namesake," Jairo said, an actual smile lighting up his features.

"I bet on Aurora!" Lauren called, but no one responded. "Um, hello? Anyone?"

Back down on the ground, it was chaos. The interns had opened fire using Chef's gun stash, and a girly scream echoed through the area.

It had come from Matthew.

Sunflower was wiping herself off, Zeke was running around in circles, Belinda was bawling, Aurora was yelling, Matthew was screaming, and Janet was facepalming.

The sound of a chainsaw ripped through the air and the chubby intern walked towards them with a maniacal grin on his face. "Time to die for your transgressions!"

"Is that a chainsaw?" Leslie growled, eye twitching. No one answered. "I DON'T HAVE GOOD MEMORIES OF CHAINSAWS!"

"Who does?" Belinda asked rhetorically.

"Chef, probably," Matthew said. "And don't worry. We'll get out of here alive. I'm sure the others are cheering for us right now."

Meanwhile...

"Ooh, ooh, twenty bucks on that short girl, the midget, Belinda, right?" Leanne said, an uncharacteristic grin on her face.

"Yeah, that sounds good to me. I'll bet on her too," Peter said.

"FORTY BUCKS ON BELINDA!" Michael called.

Back down near the camp, Janet was trying to control her team to no avail. "Aurora, help us lead them away from the camp!"

"NOT WITHOUT MIDNIGHT! I'M SCARED THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO CONTAIN MY DARK SIDE!"

"Well you had a forked tongue earlier, eh," Zeke said. "I'm not sure there's a difference."

"DRAW. THEM AWAY. FROM THE CAMPGROUNDS!" Janet bellowed. Matthew jumped to his feet, cured of his girly screaming.

"I'M ON IT! NEVER FEAR! MATTHEW IS HERE!" Matthew ran up to the interns and ran back, barely dodging the gunfire and luring them away.

The intern with the chainsaw moved forward. Sunflower growled at the sight, cracking her knuckles. The chubby intern grinned, revving the chainsaw as Sunflower stared him down.

"FLY, YOU KNOBS, EH!" da Zeke yelled. "THIS FOE IS BEYOND YOU!" He proceeded to stand between Sunflower and the intern, arms outstretched.

"Oh God, he's pulling a Leonard," Janet groaned.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS...unlessyoucouldsparemylifeandgivemeamillionbucks."

Janet ran up, grabbed Sunflower by the collar, and dragged her back, kicking and screaming and...sounding once again like an angry cat for whatever reason. Zeke on the other hand screamed like a girl as the intern advanced, and grabbed pepper spray out of his toque.

"EAT THIS!" he said, and pressed the button.

It had been aiming right at his face.

Da Zeke screamed in agony, running around like a chicken with his head cut off, only to bump into Aurora who shoved him into the ocean with a malicious grin on her face. She waited for about thirty seconds. He didn't resurface.

"What happened to Zeke?" Janet asked Aurora, having not seen what had happened.

"Interns got him," the elegant girl replied without missing a beat. "It's sad."

The remaining five ran for their lives, and the interns pursued gleefully, leaving the campgrounds wide open.

Michael grinned. "That's our cue. Midnight, no shenanigans or else we'll feed you to the demon."

Midnight proceeded to tackle Michael violently. "Midnight used Tackle! It's super effective!" he called his attack. Michael grunted and tried to get the weird rich kid off of him, and only succeeded when James, Peter, and Leanne pulled him off of the leader.

Jairo sighed. "Dear God, I'm going to die surrounded by some of the biggest idiots in the universe."

"You're telling me," Lauren said, but Jairo paid her no attention, causing the cowgirl to slump even more.

"Let's just go!" Michael snarled, brushing Midnight off of him as they ran towards the empty campgrounds. The six searched desperately for any kind of communication off of the island.

Peter looked at the dock and was surprised to find that there were no boats left. He cursed vehemently at this, slipping into a Russian accent as he did so.

Michael and James slipped through the cabins, trying to find a phone. "So what happens if we run into the demon?" James asked nervously.

"Club him in the head," Michael replied bluntly.

Leanne glanced through the deserted Mess Hall. "Hello? Anyone? Feel free to answer...unless you're a demon, in that case, feel free to not answer."

She turned and screamed. Chef stood behind her, towering over her in the darkness. He placed a finger to his lips before running out of the Mess Hall, screaming for his life.

Leanne just stood there, incredibly confused.

Lauren was standing outside, not sure what to do. "Guys? Hello? Anyone? Anything I can do to help? Okay! Sounds...good...yaaaaay. Glad I could help."

What she didn't notice was Adrian creeping up behind her. He let out a battle cry as he thrust his dagger forward...and missed abysmally.

Lauren screamed but turned around to see that Adrian had completely failed to hit her. "Wow. That was kinda weak."

Adrian then chopped her in the neck with his hand, and stabbed her in the chest. He then dumped the body in the water for good measure.

He then attempted to piss on the corpse but was dismayed to find out that he didn't need to pee at the time. And that the corpse had vanished for some bizarre reason.

It was then that Leanne, James, and Michael walked out of the cabin, having not found anything, and then saw Adrian with his pants unzipped.

"RUN!" they screamed, and ran as fast as they could. It was probably because he was a demon but I prefer to think that it was because his pants were unzipped. Jairo joined them as they did so. Michael then looked over and saw Midnight squatting in the field holding his leg up like a dog, and he appeared to be...erm, doing his business.

Yeesh, did I really just resort to toilet humor? What is this, Total Drama canon? I'm terribly sorry, I thought I was classier than that. Please find it in your hearts to forgive me. I promise 99.999999999% that it won't happen again.

"MIDNIGHT GET YOUR NAKED BUTT OVER HERE!"

"DID SOMEONE SAY NAKED BUTT?" Sunflower called, literally sprinting over to the others.

"Where the hell did you come from?" James asked in disbelief.

"I know when I'm needed."

"PIKA PIKA!" Midnight cried from the field.

"I swear it's like he's trying to be funny at the most inopportune time," Peter sighed, shaking his head. "MIDNIGHT YOU'RE NOT FUNNY! GET OVER HERE!"

"I think he's snapped," James said.

"I think we've all snapped," was Michael's response. They continued running and Midnight got up and started running, pants magically back on.

"No communication, no way out, and we're all stuck here with a bunch of lunatics," Peter groaned. "This is just brilliant."

Far away from the camp, the ten remaining campers finally regrouped after they were sure no interns or demons were following them. Michael cleared his throat. "Okay, let's do a head count."

"MATTHEW IS HERE AND TO THE RESCUE!"

"There was no demon/human yaoi. I am much disappoint."

"I'm feeling better now. I don't know what came over me. Did I seriously think I was a Pikachu?"

"Midnight, what did I tell you about that? You are not a Pokemon. You're my brother, and I love you. Remember that, always, and you shall never have the urge to drop your pants again...unless you are in my presence."

"Aurora, that was way too long and incredibly creepy. Oh, I'm Peter, by the way."

"James. ...what, expecting me to say something?"

"Leanne. Getting bored again."

"Jairo. Yawn."

"Janet's here and still alive and kicking ass!"

"It's me! Belinda!" No one responded. "Midget with big boobs!"

Only after that was there nods and "Ohhh, ohhh, yeah."

Michael cleared his throat. "Okay, that's ten. Who are we missing."

"Da Zeke," Jairo sneered.

Aurora laughed. "Yeah, he got killed. It's a shame, really."

Michael scratched his chin. "Hmn...we had one more person...I don't really remember who it was, though."

"I know, right?" Belinda grinned.

"Shut up, weirdo."

Michael snapped his fingers. "I remember now! It was that LEL guy!"

"Ohhhh, yeah. That's the guy."

Lauren, a character equivalent to Kellam from the epictastic game Fire Emblem Awakening, had been forgotten.


	5. If Lord of the Flies Were Nonsensical

**I find it amusing that this fic has been so well-received when it's more satire of SYOC fics than an actual one. That being said, I'm glad everyone's enjoying and that no one's been too pissed about my interpretations of their characters.**

**I dedicate this chapter in the memory of Robin Williams, who died earlier this week. Rest in peace. :)**

* * *

Midnight was in full Sherlock Holmes mode. He had no idea who'd made him think he was a Pikachu, but he wasn't going to rest until he found whoever had done it, and make _him_ think that he was a Magikarp for the rest of his life. Mwa ha ha.

"Hmn, let's see here. Why the hell did I act like that...something's up here. Something fishy. Not a Magikarp. I need to figure out what."

Meanwhile, James, Michael, and Peter were having a conversation.

"So I have this awesome idea in case we ever get out of here," James said, looking excited.

"We're listening," Michael yawned.

"So instead of everyone on Total Drama getting eliminated and having to take the whatchamathing of Shame, instead..." James grinned. "They're executed."

"Already been done," Sunflower popped her head into the conversation. "Worst. Fic. Eva. It had no Yaoi. The author Daggerz was more concerned with an actually engaging plot and character interactions than yaoi. Like, _ew."_

"Yeah, cause that's the worst thing about a fic," Peter deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

"You're reminding me of one of my former abductees, and that's not a good thing."

"Whatever."

Meanwhile, Leanne was once again making fun of Belinda.

"I honestly have no idea how you can consider yourself a human being. You're just...weird."

Belinda's eye twitched.

"I mean, seriously? It's almost like it's impossible for you to have anything that's not artificial. Faaaaake."

Her eye twitched again.

"I preferred Zeke to you. And that's saying something."

Steam appeared to be rising from Belinda's ears.

"Hey guys!" Matthew chirped. "I found this shotgun lying around incredibly conveniently, so-" Belinda proceeded to grab the shotgun from him and cock it threateningly at Leanne.

"Okay, I have HAD it! Someone, ANYONE who makes any comment about my HEIGHT, my FIGURE, or my HAIR, or ANYTHING IS GONNA GET A SHOTGUN TO THE FACE!"

Everyone was now looking at the midget, who sincerely looked ready to kill another person right then and there. There was silence for a few seconds before Peter spoke up.

"Can I borrow that shotgun?"

Janet meanwhile was quietly just touching her hand to her forehead. Aurora was humming quietly to herself. Everyone just still stood, poised and at attention, while Belinda breathed heavily. Belinda lowered the shotgun and smiled brightly. "Glad we got that settled."

"I like your style," Aurora chirped brightly.

It was quiet for a few seconds before Peter coughed. "No, seriously. Can I borrow that shotgun?"

"We all should just be able to get along," Matthew said, spreading his hands out and trying to ease the situation a bit. "Belinda, just put the weapon down please."

Belinda proceeded to cock the shotgun. Matthew backed up. James was behind Belinda, and with a puzzled look on his face twirled a finger around his head.

"I think she's a little bit off her rocker," Sunflower whispered to Leanne, who just gave a deadpan stare at her in response.

Matthew sighed, and attempted to step a bit closer to Belinda. "We're not going to make any more comments, okay? We're all friends here, and we need to work-"

Bam.

Belinda fired the shotgun, and smoke shot out of it, causing everyone to cough. When the smoke cleared there was blood on the ground but Matthew appeared to be gone.

"He must have discombobulated!" Leanne said mock-stupidly, while Michael let out an extremely girly and high-pitched scream.

"ARE WE SURE THAT BELINDA HASN'T BEEN POSSESSED BY A DEMON?" Michael shrieked in terror.

"NO!" was everyone else's response.

Midnight had been paying absolutely no attention, instead leaning against the ground with his ear to the dirt. He rubbed the texture, and from an outsider's perspective it appeared as though he were cuddling with an invisible person.

"Ah ha. This texture isn't right. Just like Inception, bitch."

He grinned and rubbed the dirt beside him to see that there was a figure curled up next to him. He let out a scream as the person turned. It was LEL, a demonic grin stretched across his face, or maybe just his usual :L face. Really, no one could tell the difference, and no one wanted to.

"Weren't you drowned?" Midnight asked confusedly.

"LELELEL. Teh ocean is my wife, bitch. Her name is Colonel Fwoofaleyfwoops or something or other. :L you."

"Wait...what? I'm so confused right now-"

LEL snapped his fingers and Midnight proceeded to not live. And promptly disintegrated.

Okay, wait, wait, WHAT? Okay, something's up here and I have to find out what! LEL...WHAT ARE YOU?

And so two more had bit the dust, or had become the dust. Which I suppose would make them dust cannibals, or just have a really weird fetish. It honestly wouldn't surprise me either way. Of course, that doesn't make any logical sense. What logical sense does this whole charade make anyway? So why is this suddenly so important to make sense?

Moving on.

Meanwhile, the eight remaining contestants had been too far away from Midnight to actually realize that he was dead, and his body had disintegrated anyway so it was extremely unlikely anyone would make the connection, considering they were still trying to calm down Belinda so she didn't shoot anyone else who was just trying to help.

"Okaaaaay," Michael said to Belinda, holding his hands out. "I have a great idea. Let's all put our guns down and _not _shoot anyone else who's just trying to help us."

"Stop talking to me like that," Belinda snapped. "I'm not a baby."

Leanne opened her mouth to make a comment, probably about her height, but Peter clamped his hand over her mouth, scowling at her. Leanne got the message.

"Nobody is talking to you like anything!" James said in the same tone of voice as Michael. "We're all just talking to you with a normal tone of voice, what are you talking about?"

"I'm not crazy," Belinda snapped.

"Suuuuure you aren't," Michael said, still sounding like he was either trying to calm her down or piss her off. Either one, really.

"Why are we all talking like thiiiiis?" Sunflower randomly popped her head into the conversation. "Is that like a thiiiiing? Do I have to talk like I'm talking to a kiiiid? Aaaaall the tiiiime? Whyyyyy?"

"Shut up, Leslie," Leanne yawned, still sounding incredibly bored. Leslie in question was ready to cut open her throat for calling her that name, but then realized that there was no reason for her to refer to herself as Sunflower anymore when there were far more heinous crimes going on as opposed to kidnapping and...forced...sexytime? I don't even think any lawmaker would even think of that, making it not a criminal offense. Whatever. The kidnapping was still offensive.

So from then on Sunflower would gladly refer to herself as Leslie. Yay.

Belinda backed up, but did not notice the figure approaching behind her. Janet slammed a coconut into the back of her head, causing her to collapse to the ground. Janet turned the coconut to look at it and found that it appeared to have a red smile painted across its face.

"Wait, isn't that-" Leslie began before Janet tossed it aside with a shrug. It vanished.

Peter ran in and grabbed the shotgun. "YES!"

"Alright, here's to hoping that she feels better when she gets up!" Janet called, and the others murmured in assent.

"Aurora, you've been pretty quiet," James noted. "What's the matter? Not that I care."

"I sense a disturbance in the force."

"Ah, that was probably me. Beans for lunch and all."

"What? Ew! No, that's not what I was talking about!"

Peter laughed. "Okay, that was priceless."

Michael proceeded to do a countoff, just to see how many people they had left. Leslie had wandered over to the trees and had hissed at anyone who tried to come her way. He dreaded to know what she was doing over there. James and Peter were trolling Aurora, freaking her out by being intentionally obnoxious and disgusting. Leanne was watching in barely contained amusement. Janet seemed to be exercising or something. And Belinda lied face down on the ground, probably contemplating the origins of life and the mysteries of the universe.

Or, you know, she was unconscious. Either one, really.

Eight tributes, I mean contestants remaining. Michael scratched his chin. They were missing one person...he needed to figure out who. Midnight! Midnight was missing! Michael started to look, and didn't see anything at all. Nope, nope, nada.

Oh well. Whatever.

* * *

Adrian had his eyes closed. The interns felt more comfortable that way as opposed to when his eyes were open. Plus, he was meditating.

"I'm sensing that...the one that went insane and thought he was a Pokemon...is dead. The wannabe Ezekiel...is dead. The superhero...is dead, strange, that generally doesn't happen, wouldn't be surprised if he got resurrected by some contrived plot point. And...um...I'm blanking on the last one, I have no idea who that is, but they're definitely dead. Four dead out of eight, my friends. We're one third through."

"How do you know that they're dead, though?" the female intern with braces asked. "You didn't thsee them die."

"I'm a demon. I know these kinds of things. Their presences are no longer felt on this island, therefore, yes, they are dead."

"How can we be sure?" the chubby intern asked, scratching his chin.

"I'M SURE, OKAY?" Adrian yelled, losing his cool for once. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. Find the remaining eight. Kill them by any means necessary. Kill them, and Chris will be avenged."

"Christh? Why would we want to avenge Christh?" the braces intern asked, and Adrian rolled his eyes.

"Sorry, slip of the tongue. You're finishing the deal, and then you can live out the rest of your lives. I daresay you could make some sundaes for the remaining campers for their misdeeds in All Stars. Some just desserts."

The interns just stared at him. "That was a pun...just...desserts? Ha ha, get it? ...whatever...stop staring at me...it makes me feel uncomfortable."

"You're a demon," was the chubby intern's response.

"Another brilliant observation from the 'narrating the obvious' department," Adrian snarked. "I apologize if I'm snappy. Just go. Kill them."

"Yes sir!" The interns said at once, and proceeded to gather all of Chef's inventory.

Adrian proceeded to get a call on his phone. "Hello?"

"Yeeeees. This is ScrowmeghMeha. I am a shapeshifting alien from outer space and I need your assistance."

"Uh huh."

"You see, I am having some difficulties with my hovercraft. It appears to have stopped working, I'm thinking it has something to do with the smell of apple juice, and I was hoping that you could help."

Adrian just looked confused at this. "Wrong number, dipshit."

"...oh." The caller hung up and Adrian just looked confused.

"Weeeeeeiiiiirrrrrrddddd."

* * *

Jairo was frolicking in the woods. It was fun.

* * *

**This chapter includes INCREDIBLY subtle references to Knifez's Despair Island and Anatee Takaramono's Space Duncan. If you like this kind of story, you'll like Space Duncan. And if you like serious stuff, I definitely recommend Despair Island. Both are awesome fics in their own ways. Thanks for reading!**


	6. WhaWhat's Up, Up, ChefChef?

**"When people run in circles it's a very, very...mad world."**

**Indeed it is.**

* * *

So there was a whole bunch of blabber and stuff between the remaining eight, wait, nine, my mistake. Wait wait wait. Da Zeke, whatsherface, Midnight, Matthew, Jairo, Michael, Peter, James, Leslie, Belinda, Aurora, Janet, and Leanne. That makes thirteen. Huh. Guess Adrian was the fourteenth contestant. Chris probably failed Algebra.

Jairo had come back to the rest of the group with a surprisingly derpy smile on his face, but then was quickly replaced by his usual scowl. The eight remaining campers were very organized.

...

...

"very organized" was being sarcastic. You've got to learn not to take people at face value. Anyhow, Michael, Peter, James, Jairo, Leanne, and Janet had gathered, leaving Aurora, Leslie, and Belinda left on their own. Belinda appeared to have calmed down but still kept eyeing the shotgun now in Peter's possession.

"So we have five people here that are probably the most likely to survive," Michael yawned. "Aurora is fodder and Belinda is scary."

"Very scary," Leanne said, rolling her eyes.

"She killed Matthew," James reminded her.

"Yeah. That kind of actually made me respect her."

"We're not going to get anywhere with this, are we?" Peter groaned, cleaning the shotgun almost religiously.

Jairo sighed. "We still need to find a way out of here. Where'd Midnight go?"

"Probably out in the wilderness naked and howling to the moon," Leanne yawned.

"If one of you dudes could strip and join him I'd be content," Leslie chirped, rubbing her hands together with an evil grin on her face. The remaining dudes, namely Michael, James, Peter, and Jairo just stared at her.

Peter smirked. "Yes. I will go join Midnight in his life as a Pikachu. Then we will reproduce and make Pikachu babies and we'll give them to you to babysit, because everyone knows that leaving babies in the care of a psychopath is a _great _way to help them have a happy, carefree, non-traumatic childhood. No doubt your mere presence would make him want to go to the nearest bathroom with their boyfriend and..._hurl."_

"Really? You'll do that?" Leslie squealed excitedly, and Peter just looked flustered at her. He raised the shotgun and fired, causing Jairo to let out a very girly scream. Leslie just looked at him, unimpressed.

"You see, that weapon has a lot less of a range than you think it does."

Peter fired again.

"Yeah. Doing it again in the exact same spot will definitely help."

"That was surprisingly snarky!" Leanne commented cheerfully. "Good job!"

Janet just sighed. "I sometimes wonder how the universe churns out such idiots."

"You and me both," Michael sighed in response. The two just sighed together in perfect synchronization...can have but one explanation. #justkidding #sorrynotsorry #forgiveme #itwonthappenagain #hahajk

"Can I join?" Aurora asked.

"No," the others responded irritably.

Belinda on the other hand didn't seem to care that the others had excluded her, although she had indeed perked up at Peter firing the shotgun.

"You know what I think we should do?" Leslie asked.

"I probably shouldn't ask, but your strangeness I actually find entertaining sometimes so go ahead," Jairo yawned.

"I think we should kill Adrian."

"NO SHIT!" Peter yelled at her. Leslie gulped and backed up even more.

"Don't turn into the next Belinda," James warned.

"I take offense at that!" Belinda called, but everyone ignored her for fear of what might happen if they responded.

"Um, guys?" Janet called mildly, while glancing over to the outcasts who had not been let in. Actually, Belinda had walked over there anyway so now the only one being excluded was Aurora.

"I mean, I may have gotten angry at you guys but I wouldn't have actually killed any of you," Belinda said.

"Um..." Leanne said, the silence speaking for itself as they remembered the fate of Matthew.

Belinda just looked around at all of them. "What did I do?"

"Guys..." Janet said again, this time a little louder. Still no one paid attention.

"Now we all just need to settle down," Michael said with a sigh. "We're not going to get anywhere like this."

"We haven't BEEN getting anywhere," Peter noted scathingly. "This WHOLE time we've been doing NOTHING but GETTING OUR ASSES KICKED. I say it's time we just took this here shotgun and actually used it for something OTHER THAN KILLING AND THREATENING TO KILL OUR OWN TEAMMATES!"

"GUYS!" Janet yelled, and everyone turned to look at her.

"Yes," Peter asked mildly, and slightly guiltily.

"Have ANY of you noticed that Aurora's dead?" she snapped, pointing to Aurora's broken body.

The remaining contestants immediately snapped around their heads to look at the body. "Huh," Leslie said with a shrug. "Okay, you were saying?"

"Dear God, I'm surrounded by sociopaths and idiots," Janet sighed as everyone else resumed their regular conversation, not even bothering to check on Aurora. Janet stood and walked over to Aurora, and looked up to see light reflecting from the bushes. Janet backed up as the others paid her absolutely no attention, instead cheering as Peter and Leslie got into a fight minus the shotgun. Leanne was holding the shotgun and nervously glancing at Belinda who was eyeing it with bad intent.

The figure emerged as a hulking mass. He wore circular shades and had a sardonic grin on his face. It was...Chef!

"Chef!" Janet called. "We haven't seen you since Adrian took control! What are you doing here? Are you going to help us fight?"

Chef drew his finger across his throat, motioning for her to keep quiet. He then motioned for her to come into the bushes. "Uh, I'm not sure if that's the best idea," Janet told him. "I don't exactly trust you."

Chef raised a finger towards James, who was cheering wildly as Peter beat down Leslie but then let out a scream as she clawed him. Suddenly, James's eyes bulged, and Janet's keen eyes could make out the needle in his throat. James collapsed, and this time Michael and the rest were actually concerned, crowding around him.

"What the..." Janet murmured. "What's going on here?"

Chef raised his finger to the bush opposite them, and Janet turned to see a figure crouched there. "Thank you, Ghost of Christmas Future. I guess."

Janet charged, causing the figure to panic. The punch delivered by her sent him crashing to the ground, and she dragged the black-haired intern out into the open as he groaned painfully.

"What the hell is going on here?" Leanne demanded.

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN ASKING FOR THE LAST FIVE CHAPTERS!" Peter yelled.

"Wait, what?" Michael asked, but the conversation moved on.

Janet held up the intern's weapon, which was a needley-firey thigamajig. One of those straw things that you spit into, like a...spitball needlestriker...no no, that's not it...deadly spitwad? No, it was firing needles. Needlewad? Wadneedle? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING CALLED? Spittoon? Spitter? WHATEVER!

IT'S THE THING MAX USED IN THAT ONE PAHKITEW ISLAND. YEAH, THE ONE THING. THAT SCARLETT HELPED HIM WITH. THAT'S IT. I THINK. WAIT, WAIT, SCARLETT HELPED HIM WITH PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING IN PAHKITEW ISLAND. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT RIGHT? AND NO THE SPACE BAR HAS NOT BROKE.

THE INTERN GROANED AS JANET HELD HIM BY HIS COLLAR. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? YOU KILLED JAMES!" MICHAEL SHOUTED AT HIM.

"AND AURORA," JANET SAID.

"YEAH, BUT SHE'S NOT AS IMPORTANT."

"ARE THEY REALLY JUST DEAD?" LEANNE ASKED? "SEEMS KIND OF RANDOM AND ANTICLIMACTIC. ALSO, WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M SHOUTING?"

"I HAVE NO EARTHLY IDEA," WAS PETER'S VERY LOUD REPLY. WHAT, IS ESPA ROBA WRITING THIS FIC OR SOMETHING?

* * *

Let's try this again.

The intern groaned as Janet held him by his collar. "What the hell are you doing? You killed James!" Michael shouted at him.

"And Aurora," Janet said.

"Yeah, but she's not as important."

"Are they really just dead?" Leanne asked. "Seems kind of random and anticlimactic. Also, why do I feel like I'm...shouting? Wait..."

* * *

Again.

The intern groaned as Janet held him by his collar. "What the hell are you doing? You killed James!" Michael shouted at him.

"And Aurora," Janet said.

"Yeah, but she's not as important."

"Are they really just dead?" Leanne asked. "Seems kind of random and anticlimactic. Also, why do I feel like I'm...you ever had, like, deja vu?"

* * *

AGAIN.

The intern groaned as Janet held him by his collar. "What the hell are you doing? You killed James!" Michael shouted at him.

"And Aurora," Janet said.

"Yeah, but she's not as important."

"Are they really just dead?" Leanne asked. "Seems kind of random and anticlimactic."

"I have no earthly idea," was Peter's normally voiced reply.

THANK FREAKING GOD.

"Rest in peace, James," Michael sniffled.

"Why'd you do it?" Janet hissed at the intern.

"He killed Chris! He promised us freedom! And actual ice cream sundaes! And we got to use Chris's jacuzzis! And we got to burn the camp to the ground! Adrian is the best boss ever! All he wanted was for us to kill you all!"

"Why would he want to kill us all?" Peter growled. "What does he have to gain?"

"As far as anyone else knows, Chris is still filming Total Drama! He wants to tidy up all the loose ends! Adrian goes back to the mainland, and we stay here where we can DO WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT!"

"Anything you want?" Leslie said, her usual acidic excitement creeping into her voice. "Like, _anything? _Are you and at least one other of your fellow interns-"

"Shut up, I have a shotgun," Leanne interrupted rudely.

Michael sighed. "He's playing you. He'll kill you once he's done with you. He just wants destruction and chaos."

"He pissed on Chris's corpse."

"Not that I'm saying he isn't a cool guy for that," Michael said, raising his hands in the air defensively. "But if you can just help us, we'll let you stay here. We just need to kill Adrian."

The intern sighed. "Fine. But as long as you _promise_ that you won't harm my friends in any way. Just Adrian. And that you'll LEAVE US ALONE and hopefully get this show cancelled for good. Say hi to the earlier contestants for me when you get out too. Tell them what happened."

"No one would believe us," Jairo told him.

"True. Then I'd just laugh."

"You're an asshole."

"I had to be taught," the intern shrugged. "Okay, I'll lead you to Adrian. And I promise this isn't a trap."

"Sure. You killed two of our people. This DEFINITELY isn't a trap ARE YOU GUYS ALL IDIOTS?" Leanne shouted.

"Excuse me?" Michael growled.

"This intern just killed Aurora and James and you're TRUSTING HIM? I thought better of you guys. Well, not really, but that still doesn't mean I can't be pissed."

"Are you gay? Or bi?" Leslie asked the intern, who just gave her a weirded-out look.

"Ignore her," Jairo sighed. "Same with everyone else."

The intern bowed respectfully and started walking. The others followed, much to Leanne's furious disappointment. The six...seven...eight...whatever, all just went off and made sure to keep a watchful eye on the intern just in case he had a nefarious plan for them, which was likely. They would just have to wait and see, and hopefully they wouldn't all die.

Chef continued to watch from the shadows.

He stood there in the exact same spot.

For all eternity.

Oooooooh.

Creepy.

Absolutely creepy.

Why isn't this chapter ending ye-


	7. One By One They'll ALL FALL! BWA HA HA!

**I'm going to be gone for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday so I've decided to update this before I go, because why not? Should be fun. And hey, we're getting closer and closer to the end of Arc I. That's always good. Be sure to check out FDTD if you haven't already, you won't regret it.**

* * *

The remaining campers followed the intern through the woods. Janet was keeping a close eye on the intern, aiming the spittoeyaefaeg thing, the BLOWGUN, right at his neck. Da Zeke would have probably thought she was playing a flute. And then proceeded to make an inappropriate joke that would have gotten him killed.

But alas, he was already killed. So that was one problem solved.

"I miss James already," Michael sighed.

"Awwwwwwww," Leslie gushed, only to have Michael glare at her.

"Dear God, I'm tempted to strangle you."

"Get in line," Peter replied, rolling his eyes. The two high fived.

"BUT JAMES JUST DIED! YOU CAN'T GET A NEW LOVE INTEREST SO QUICKLY! IT HAS TO BE SUBTLE!"

Leanne whacked Leslie in the shoulder with her shotgun. "Don't try it, or I'll kill you."

"What a happy bunch of people!" Jairo said with a bright and happy smile. "I love it!"

"Leanne, if you're not going to use the shotgun then why do you have it?" Belinda asked, slipping subtly into a different accent.

"Because apparently I'm level-headed and the least likely to shoot someone with it," Leanne deadpanned.

"You just threatened to murder me," Leslie pointed out.

"You don't count," was Leanne's retort.

"I want the shotgun back," Peter pouted.

Michael and Janet took the lead and started trying to have a serious conversation. "So if Mr. Intern here decides to lead us into a trap, what's the plan?" Michael asked.

"Kill Adrian with this," Janet said, gesturing to the blowjob.

I mean blowgun. I swear I meant blowgun.

...

...

...shut up.

"Sounds good and all, but how do we get communication off the island?" Michael directed the last part of that question to the intern.

"Adrian's blocking all signals," the intern informed them. "We didn't really care, we just wanted to basically ransack everything."

"Not that I don't admire that but what exactly is Adrian's motivation?" Janet asked.

"You mean the demon possessing Adrian's body."

"Right. Whatever."

The intern continued walking, scratching the back of his head as he did so. "He wants to be entertained. That's the impression I get. He's bored, and he wants something to do."

"So naturally he signs up for a reality TV show, murders the host and sends an army of starved interns to kill the contestants," Peter deadpanned.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Does the demon possessing Adrian have a name?" Michael asked.

"Huh?" was the intern's response.

"If it's true that Adrian is just a vessel, then what's the demon's name."

It was quiet for a few seconds before the intern responded hesitantly. "...I asked him once and he said his name was Justin Bieber."

Everyone stopped moving and an awkward silence took over them.

"You know, that wouldn't really surprise me," Peter said with a shrug.

"I think he was being sarcastic," the intern said anxiously.

"YA THINK?" was Michael's response.

"I heard something about Justin Bieber, is that the reason why the line's not moving?" Leslie popped her head in.

Jairo vomited for some reason.

"No, just...no," Janet groaned, shaking her head.

"I find you guys funny. Like a pet that keeps running into walls," Belinda commented cheerfully.

"KEEP. MOVING." Janet bellowed at the intern, who gulped and started walking quickly.

About half an hour later, the camp was in sight. The intern led them so that they once again were ready to strike. But this time, they had a shotgun courtesy of dearly departed Matthew. Of course, Peter, Belinda, and Leanne all wanted it.

"IT'S MINE!" Belinda growled.

"NO, I WANT IT!" Peter growled.

"Just shut up!" Janet growled.

"May I pretty please have it?" Leanne growled...wait, wrong verb. Leanne asked mock-sweetly.

Janet just shoved the shotgun into Leanne's hands and growled. "Let's just get a move on."

"What happened to me being leader?" Michael asked rhetorically.

"I think you'll find that people follow leaders who act as opposed to just talk," Jairo informed him helpfully. "Just to clue you in."

"You just want me to try to fight and then end up dying. How stupid do you think I am?"

"...you really don't want me to answer that."

"I believe this is called Foe Yay," Leslie chimed in helpfully.

"Nobody. Cares," Peter growled (there's that word again. I keep using that word. You don't think it means what I think it means).

The intern led the remaining campers into the campground. "This is the lunch break, they should be in the Mess Hall. They order from this really fancy restaurant from the mainland, intern's choice. Yesterday it was Olive Garden."

"Wow, real fancy," was Michael's response.

"Keep quiet," Janet hissed. "We don't want to disturb them."

Whooooosh.

Leslie looked shocked for a second before looking down at the needle in her throat and the blood trickling out of it. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed.

Janet ran over to examine her heartbeat, but it was too late. She was already dead.

"NO, LESLIE'S DEAD!" Peter called, and then stopped, confused. "Wait...why do I care?"

"Don't move, or we fire!" a familiar demonic voice shouted, and Adrian/Justin Bieber/Whatever emerged from the trees holding a blowgun same as the captured interns. The other interns emerged from the woods with a variety of weapons.

Janet quickly fired her own needle directly at Adrian's face, but the demon simply raised his hand and caught it with his outstretched hand, Matrix style. He dropped it to the ground and the campers rose their hands up in surrender. The captured intern ceased to be captured and rejoined the rest of his brethren.

"And I was going to order Domino's," Adrian pouted as the interns closed in. "Oh well, human flesh will do. You guys don't have to eat that, I'll still order Domino's. andIdefinitelywon'tsprinkledeadcamperinitIpromise."

"What was that?" the chubby intern asked confusedly.

"NOTHING!"

"What'th that in the thky?" the brace-faced intern asked, pointing her finger up in the air.

"Probably nothing, don't worry about it," Adrian snapped.

"You guys seem to get along well," Jairo and Leanne noted at the same time before looking at one another in confusion.

One almost expected Leslie to make a comment except for the minor fact that she was dead.

Boo hoo. I have tears in my eyes. But I also have crust in my eyes. I didn't sleep well last night.

"No, theriouthly!" the intern repeated. "There's thomething coming down!"

The otherwise tense situation was ruined by a sound reminiscent of a person falling in a Looney Tunes show. They could hear the person's voice, albeit faintly.

"lelelelelelelelelelelelelelelLELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELEL!" LEL hurtled down into the middle of the standoff.

"Oh, you are _kidding me," _Adrian just sighed in disbelief.

LEL hit the ground, causing an explosion of epic proportions. No one was injured but the smoke

WHY he was there could only be described as a plot convenience, but I didn't put...him...there...no...no no no something's wrong here this isn't what was supposed to happen! Why did he do that? He wasn't...no, need to keep going.

The remaining campers took their chance and fled in the smoke, gunfire and needles trailing behind them. Leslie's body was lost in the haze, and Adrian was shouting and spitting so loudly it would have made any angry German proud.

"GET THOSE *BEEEEEEP* CAMPERS! GET THEM IF YOUR *BEEEEEP* LIFE DEPENDS ON IT YOU *BEEEEEP*!"

Wait, why am I censoring this? Oh right, to have some form of public decency and political correctness. Blegh.

"RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR AWAY!" Belinda screamed at the top of her lungs.

"THAT'S A LOT OF FAR'S!" was Peter's response as Michael, Peter, Jairo, Belinda, Leanne, and Janet ran like their lives depended on it, which they did.

When the smoke cleared, they were all running as fast as they could away from camp, being careful not to trip over anything in the woods and shit, I mean stuff.

Another one had bit the dust, but they had no time to mourn, and plus they didn't really want to anyway. Despite the ridiculousness of the situation, they were terrified, alone, and slowly dying of a demonic cancer hellbent on murdering them all for its own amusement.

Terrifying, right?

I always knew Justin Bieber had it in him.

* * *

She opened her eyes.

She couldn't move. A numbness had taken over her body, rendering her limp and useless. Only her eyes could move, she could not talk, which was probably a good thing. Sea blue light reflected off the ceiling as lights rolled by her. She could hear the sound of wheels rolling, and assumed she was on some kind of hospital roller-thing.

That was weird. What had happened? She recalled something vaguely about a demon...Adrian...and then her mind returned to its normal state, which if described would probably make most males go blind and endure Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Blue light cast off the walls and Leslie shifted her eyes to view the source as a shadowed figure rolled her down the hallway. Placed periodically down the hallway were stasis tubes. Leslie attempted to shift her eyes so she could see what was in them, and when she did her stomach dropped.

Da Zeke. Lauren. Matthew. Midnight. Aurora. James.

All of them bobbing aimlessly in the liquid with their eyes closed, plugs in their nostrils.

If Leslie could have gulped, she would have.

The cart stopped moving next to an empty stasis tube and alarm bells rang all throughout Leslie's mind as she was wheeled upright, still incapable of moving, or screaming for her life. All she could do was stand there numbly with her mouth open and drooling. Which to be honest was probably not too different from her normal state if Yaoi was involved.

A pair of black holes stared her right in the face, a frown ever present. Chef simply stared at her beneath the round shades, and her breathing began to quicken. Chef unstrapped her and unceremoniously placed her headfirst in the empty stasis tube, placing a mask on her face as he did so. The glass closed and fluid began to fill up the container, and Leslie floated upside-down in the water, looking completely ridiculous as per the norm.

Her body eventually floated right-side up but she was no more capable of doing anything to save herself. The anesthetic had begun to wear off and her arms had slowly been able to move, and her eyes opened. She started floating around, testing the waters. Her thought process went something like this.

_Hello? Where am I? Did I die? Am I in Purgatory? Gosh, I hope Dean's still here. And Benny. I RELY ON YAOI TO LIVE! Say...this isn't actually so bad. It's quiet. And peaceful. I could probably...erm, think about my magazines from in here. If this is death, maybe it isn't so bad!_

As if a choir of angels had descended from above...and had decided to piss on her, "Friday" by Rebecca Black started to play.

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_


	8. Staying Alive!

Muzak was playing.

Terrible, terrible muzak. Elevator music muzak. And all the while the row of supposedly dead contestants bobbed up and down in their shiny blue tubes, completely unaware of their surroundings.

Well, at least it was better than "Friday."

DING!

In perfect synchronization, the tubes opened, spilling out seven thought-dead contestants, sending them coughing and sputtering, some still under the effect of anesthetics. Da Zeke was the first to rise to his feet, dark circles under his eyes and his skin even paler than normal. Meanwhile, Leslie was coughing and sputtering up water and once she rose to her feet started vehemently cursing at seemingly nothing.

"*BEEP* YOU! I WAS HAVING A REALLY *BEEP*ING PLEASANT DREAM YOU *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*"

Knowing Leslie's hobbies, one could probably guess what sort of dream she'd been having.

It was obviously about cats. Just kidding.

What's-her-face rose to her feet, groaning. "Ugh. Where are we? Who's yelling?" What's-her-face wiped the sleep out of her eyes and proceeded to turn and see Da Zeke staring at her. "Do I have something on my face?"

"Who are you again, eh?" Zeke asked.

What's-her-face scratched behind her ear. "Uh, I'm Lauren. Don't you remember me?"

"Nope."

Midnight, in the meanwhile, looked incredibly unkempt, same with Aurora. Both appeared to be still under the effect of anesthesia because they kept stumbling around and slurring their words, unlike their usual elegant/fancy/creepy talk.

Matthew stood up, and proceeded to trip over James, who was snoring loudly on the floor. "Okay, what the hell is going on here?" James asked as the only sane person alive in the dark corridor. "Is everyone alive?"

"I'M ALIVE AND PISSED!" Leslie whined, kicking the empty stasis tube and stubbing her toe. "OW, THAT HURTS!"

"Dunno bout yuuuu gays, but Ah-eeem gooonnna take a nup," Midnight slurred, before falling flat on his face.

"Ugh..." Aurora groaned. "Don't do that, Midnight, it's unladylike..."

"I have no earthly idea what is going on," James just said blankly.

Da Zeke proceeded to pull off his toque and place it on the ground. "I claim this floor in the name of Da Zeke. Fo-shizzle. Yo."

"Hello?" Lauren asked. No one acknowledged her.

"I HAVE...PEOPLE TO RESCUE...THE BATCAVE...CALLS...ME..." Matthew nearly fell over, only to be yanked up by Leslie.

"YOU! MAKE OUT WITH HIM! NOW! I'M NOT ABOUT TO LOSE THIS!"

"EVERYBODY JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" James bellowed, and everyone stopped doing what they were doing. "We need to figure out where the HELL we are and how the HELL we got here?"

"Da Zeke approves!" Da Zeke grinned, flashing two thumbs up.

"God, I missed you being dead," James groaned. "Everyone come together now. What's the last thing you remember before turning up here?"

Da Zeke pointed at Aurora. "Her drowning me."

"I did...no such thing," Aurora slurred, incapable of doing much as everyone else glared at her.

"Well, she wasn't the only one to kill a teammate," Matthew commented. "Belinda killed me with a shotgun. That's the last thing I remember."

"I was the only one directly killed by Adrian," Lauren added. "That's impressive, right?"

"I was killed by a needle! A freaking needle!" Leslie growled. "Now normally I like needles, particularly in the right places, acupuncture, ya know, but-"

"I miss Peter, Michael, Jairo, and Leanne," James groaned. "I want someone else here that I don't have to snark at."

"Is snark some kind of snack or something?" Da Zeke asked.

"Yes, it involves taking two hamburgers and placing a hot dog between them," James snarked, and then realized he'd just given Leslie an opening.

"Do go on," she purred, grinning like the psycho she was.

"It didn't mean to...I'm not...shut up."

"I bet Zeke could make you a _real_ good snark, right?" Leslie continued, her grin only growing.

"I like waffles," Midnight contributed. "They're square."

The door hissed open and the campers turned their heads to face the looming figure before them, and the guards filing in after him.

Chef.

"Alright, maggots, listen up!" he yelled. "It has come to my attention from my _employer _that you all actually need to be fed. So you've all seen the show, right? You know that it's my job to cook shit for you guys? Not literally. Well, I actually once did that literally, it didn't turn out so well."

"Too much information," Aurora gagged.

"Anyway, you'll be served food by yours truly in the room directly next to this one! And then YOU'LL GO RIGHT BACK INTO YOUR PODS! ANY QUESTIONS?"

"Yes, where exactly are we-" James began.

"SHUT UP, SCRAWNY BOY! DID I SAY YOU COULD ASK QUESTIONS?"

"Uh, yes-"

"WRONG! YOUR EARS MUST BE CLOGGED BECAUSE I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Don't listen to Chef, we're not gonna get anything out of him," Lauren whispered to Da Zeke.

"You're pretty, what's-your-face."

"Lauren."

"No, I'm pretty sure it's what's-your-face."

"SHUT UP! YOU WILL GO INTO THE MESS HALL AND YOU WILL EAT! THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL I ANSWER ONE QUESTION, AND ONE QUESTION ONLY. ARE WE CLEAR?"

"YES SIR!" all the contestants shouted at the same time, and Chef pulled out his machine gun, his shades still covering his eyes, glaring menacingly at them as they filed into the mess hall. Midnight stumbled in after everyone else, with even worse coordination than Matthew. Considering Matthew's cape had been lost, Matthew was actually faring much better. Tripping over much less stuff.

After getting their slop, the campers divided up into groups. Midnight and Aurora ate together, or rather, Aurora ate while Midnight still attempted to recover and in the meanwhile had his head in his soup bowl. Everyone else was sitting together, although Lauren appeared to be invisible among them.

"So what do we do?" James asked. "We can't just sit around here and do nothing. We don't know what's going on, but all of us have apparently died, but I _feel _alive."

_"STAYING ALIVE, STAYING ALIVE, AH AH AH AH, STAYING ALIVE!" _Da Zeke started singing totally off-pitch, only to have a shoe thrown at him by Aurora.

"So are we dead or not?" Lauren asked.

"So do you guys think we're dead or not?" Matthew asked, causing Lauren to fume. "I got shot by a shotgun."

"I got a needle to the throat," Aurora and James said at the same time.

"Same!" Leslie called.

"What's with all the needles?" Da Zeke asked.

"Blowguns," James clarified.

"So how are we all here?" Lauren asked.

"So why are we all here, and how?" Matthew asked dramatically. "It's intriguing..."

The sound of gunfire caused all heads to turn. The guards at the door looked outside and screamed at what they saw.

The intercom turned on.

_"Give 'em hell, shisnos."_

Adrian had heard the voice once before.

Wait...no no no no no...not again...

Leslie quickly tackled the nearest guard, while Da Zeke followed his namesake and bit the guard in the hand, who promptly tried to shake him off, only to have Da Zeke still bite down while being swung through the air comically.

Lauren simply walked up to one of the guards. He didn't notice her at all. She smirked, and wrestled the shotgun from him and shot him. "DO YOU NOTICE ME NOW?"

"Hurk...blegh..." was the guard's response.

The sirens began, and a full-scale riot had begun. Lauren wielded the shotgun with deadly, Belinda level accuracy. Da Zeke just bit people for the fun of it. Matthew actually seemed to be doing decent without his cape. Edna Mode would be proud. Aurora took a gun off of a dead guard and used it moderately well. Leslie was just tearing through everything and everyone. James had snuck out, trying to find the control room and avoid Chef or any of his guards.

Midnight just sat there like a vegetable.

"Something's up..." he grumbled. "Chef has an...employer? I need to check this out."

James crept through the corridor, and from his right he heard Chef barking orders. "GET TO THE CONTROL ROOM! GET THAT SONOFABITCH **OUT OF THIS FACILITY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"**

"SIR YES SIR!" the men replied, running off. James turned to see Leslie crouching next to him. He very nearly screamed.

"Shhh, everything's okay, we're all here to help you," she said, gesturing to all the supposedly dead campers, who James hadn't noticed before.

"Go...away..." he hissed.

"No man, Da Zeke has got this!"

"These guys have weapons! And they know how to use them! You people DON'T! So just go away!"

"We're all in this together. No matter how much we hate each other, no matter how much we may despise each others' company, we're going to have to work together to escape," Aurora said.

"Where am I? What? Why do I have an urging for waffles?" Midnight asked, back to his normal self, free of anesthetics.

"Da Zeke has got this, I told ya," Da Zeke said, and proceeded to stand up and take his shirt off. He threw it at the guard, who looked down.

"Huh?"

Da Zeke proceeded to initiate a battle cry, running past the guards. Now, generally, they would have just shot. But the sheer audacity of him throwing his shirt at them before running across their line of fire while shirtless just caught them off guard long enough for Zeke to make it across. His namesake would have been so proud of him.

Leslie proceeded to attack the guards from behind, her usual cat screech at the ready. The two guards were down in seconds.

Everyone followed as the campers unleashed their battle cries, mowing down guards in no time at all. Matthew punched one in the face, and James calmly led the army of psychos up the stairs. They followed the ominous glowing light on the floor, using their remaining weapons to their advantage and killing anyone who dared oppose them.

They were all lunatics. But they were incredibly competent lunatics.

The door hissed open to the main control room and a figure turned to face them. And apparently it was Chef. But as he turned he morphed into a slim man with pretty eyebrows.

"Who are you?" Midnight demanded. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Tell us now, or we'll kill you," Lauren growled.

"Just checking in. Dear Worf, this place is weird," the person sighed. With a snap of his fingers, he rippled and vanished.

There was silence for a few seconds as they tried to register what had just happened. "Did he just teleport?" James asked rhetorically.

"Yes," Da Zeke replied. "Yes he did."

"That was rhetorical," James snapped. "Now what do we do?"

There was silence at this, and he looked around. "Hello?"

"Oh, I thought that was rhetorical," Leslie said, grinning.

"I hate you guys."

"We love you too," was Midnight's response. "Oh, by the way, I found out something about the ground. It's not real. It doesn't have as much detail as I thought it would. Something's up here."

"How do we get out?" Lauren asked.

"So how do we get out?" Matthew mused, stroking his chin. Lauren glared at him.

James and Leslie pulled up the blueprints. "Hey, this is similar to the control room on Pahkitew Island! There's an escape pod in here we can use to get out."

"Wait, does that mean the island is mechanical?" Aurora asked.

"I don't know. I was in the fun zone, eh," Da Zeke shrugged.

The door slammed, and the contestants jumped in panic before James started pressing buttons. "Okay, let's see here, buttons, buttons, escape pod, escape pod..."

He pressed a button, and the door to the escape pod opened. "Huh. Lucky break."

The campers started screaming and flailing, trying to get into the escape pod, but in the end all of them made it in. However, they were all compressed very tight. The escape pod launched.

"Get your butt off of my face," James mumbled to Midnight.

"Please don't," was Leslie's enamored response.

The escape pod launched and as they traveled upward James thought he saw something in the sky but he ended up dismissing it as being nothing.

The hell...is going on here. What...who...

They screamed as they saw blue sky, felt sunlight on their faces through the window, and James calmly piloted the escape pod so that it landed in the forest, far away from the underground facility from which they had been held. The doors opened and the campers tumbled out into a dogpile, all except for Leslie, who just watched in glee.

Outside, Michael, Peter, Leanne, Jairo, Janet, and Belinda just stood there in shock.

"What the..." all of them said in unison.

"We weren't dead, we were just being held captive by Chef in an underground facility for some reason and I organized a breakout that went perfectly and I honestly have no idea what is going on," James explained.

Michael just looked at the others and shrugged.

"Huh."


	9. The One Where Things Make Sense

**Tick tock tick tock...**

* * *

The thirteen had been reunited at long last. Well, saying that implies that they actually cared about each other, when in reality, as Aurora had said, they hated each others' guts and were merely being forced to work together in order to escape an island full of LELs, mysterious Chefs, and demon-possessed weirdos with armies of interns behind them. You know. About the usual level of sanity on Total Drama.

The remaining "alive" campers had split off to discuss what to do with the supposedly deceased ones.

"So you're telling me that you people, you people who were supposedly KILLED were really just being held captive by Chef?" Jairo asked in blatant disbelief. "Excuse me for not believing you. I SAW some of you die."

"Meh. Who cares?" Michael shrugged. "They're here. That's all that matters."

"I say we kill them with the shotgun," Belinda suggested. "See if that changes anything. Maybe they'll stay dead this time."

"Okay sociopath," Leanne snapped. "If we followed your way we'd be out of some value cannon fodder-I mean, allies. Yeah, that's what I meant to say. Allies."

"Personally, this whole charade has gone on long enough," Peter yawned. "It's about time we took matters into our own hands, and that involves killing Adrian."

"But if these guys were supposedly dead, do you really think Adrian will really die?" Janet countered.

"Meh. As long as we can get off this island, we can call for help."

Meanwhile, the remaining campers were eating actual food as opposed to Chef's not-so-great food. James was pacing around, agitated, as before he'd died he had NEVER been left out of meetings, and it really pissed him off, because most of the sane people were the ones who had lived through the attacks on them.

"I. Hate. Anesthetics," Midnight growled, teeth grit as he paced back and forth while Aurora filed her nails. Da Zeke, having lost both his shirt and his toque during the escape, had wrapped a raccoon around his head instead. He said it was comfy even while blood trailed down his head. No one asked, no one cared.

Lauren growled menacingly due to the fact that no one was noticing her. Leslie walked straight into her, and their heights matched up so that Leslie's face was in "marshmallow hell" to say the least.

"Oops! Sorry!" Leslie chirped. "Didn't mean to do that!"

"Is there something I can help you with?" Lauren growled.

"Unless you can figure out a way to make boys do whatever you want, whenever you want, I'm afraid I've got nothing."

"Could you please elaborate on how you got here?" Lauren asked.

"Well, you know Noah and Cody?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't do anything wrong! I only kidnapped them and tried to make them have sex! Yeesh, it's not like I'm a murderer or anything! They sent me to Juvie but I BROKE OUT WITH A SPOON!"

"Respect, yo," Da Zeke grinned, fist-bumping Leslie. "I did the same thing at a One Direction concert."

Lauren and Leslie both nodded and mmhhmned at this before realizing what he'd said. "Wait, why were you at a One Direction concert?" Lauren asked, but Da Zeke was already gone.

The campers who had been discussing their fates walked towards them. Michael cleared his throat before speaking. "Okay. Considering you all are alive, we might as well use you. We're going to charge Adrian and kill him. Janet will be the one to carry the shotgun.

"NOOOOOOO!" Belinda and Leanne cried at the same time, and then everyone looked at Leanne, who promptly froze in embarrassment before composing herself.

"You didn't see anything," she told them, waving her hand in the air.

"We didn't see anything-HEY!" Da Zeke cried out.

"Idiots," Jairo and Peter sneered at the same time before looking at one another. "Huh," they said again. "That's weird."

"Alright, we're moving to Adrian's place. We will be staying AS ONE GROUP!" Janet called. "The interns will be waiting for us but we have to overpower them. Stealth isn't exactly our strong suit, so let's GET A MOVE ON!"

"MA'AM YES MA'AM!" all the tributes yelled.

The thirteen moved through the woods, yada yada yada, blah blah blah. Filler filler filler, something funny something funny something funny, Leslie talks about Yaoi, we already know everything that's going on here. Blah de blah de blah. Walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking...okay, how many words is that? Good enough for filler?

Eventually, (yay) the contestants reached the campgrounds for the third time to find that it was still smoldering from the LEL bomb that had been dropped the previous day.

"I have become death. Destroyer of worlds. LEL." -LEL

...shit. Not again not again not again...get out of here.

"Okay," Michael whispered as the interns patrolled what remained. "Take them out one at a time. How many do we have?"

"Three," Lauren confirmed.

"There are three left," Leanne interrupted, prompting a facepalm from Lauren as well as a growl.

"Head count," Janet said, teeth grit.

"Michael."

"Matthew is here and ready for the rescue!"

"Da Zeke! Yo! Fo-shizzle!"

"Aurora here. Da Zeke will probably not be here for too much longer. My nail file will make sure of that."

"This is Midnight. Not Pikachu. I honestly have no idea why that happened."

"What lies ahead may trouble us, but know this: you all are a bunch of idiots. I'm Peter/Jairo, by the way." the two said at the same time.

"Okay, now I'm shipping Peter and Jairo. Pairo? Jeter? Well, at least it's better than Michael/Jairo. Mayo...ew. OH, right. Leslie."

"I'm...James? Sorry I don't have a fancy thing to identify myself by."

"Lauren."

"Yawn. Leanne here and bored out of my wits."

"Belinda is ready to kill someone. Belinda wants this stupid head count to be over."

"Wish granted, we're done," Michael deadpanned.

"Three interns and thirteen of us," Janet told them. "Let's do this. Three groups. I'll lead one, Peter will lead one, and Michael will lead one. Divide yourselves as evenly as you possibly can."

The teams ended up being Janet, Matthew, Aurora, Midnight, and Belinda.

Peter, James, Jairo, and Leslie.

And finally, Michael, Leanne, Lauren, and Da Zeke.

**TEAM ONE: FACING THE CHUBBY INTERN**

Midnight placed treats on the ground and watched as the chubby intern followed them directly into the trap, leading him to be tangled in the net. Everyone else just facepalmed.

"We didn't even have to do anything," Janet grinned. "Nice job, Midnight."

"Anything for a waffle...aw shit."

**TEAM TWO: FACING THE BRACE-FACED INTERN**

Leslie stood out in the open and the brace-faced intern blasted her with Chef's Super Soaker, only to have Peter and Jairo bag her from behind. James just watched the whole thing in barely concealed confusion.

"Great team effort everybody," Peter and Jairo said at the same time.

"SO CUTE!" they could all hear Leslie calling from the distance.

**TEAM THREE: FACING THE CONNIVING, BACKSTABBING LITTLE WI-I MEAN, INTERN!**

Now, most people would be scared at seeing a ghost. But seeing a shirtless ghost with a raccoon around its head would be just plain terrifying. Da Zeke stood there with much eye shadow and makeup, courtesy of Lauren, and the supposedly buff and infallible intern turned and ran away screaming, running right past where Michael and Leanna had been waiting with a bag. Lauren calmly stepped out and punched him out.

"I should have known this was coming..." the intern groaned.

"Did he do something to us?" Lauren asked the others, and they all just shrugged.

"Who cares?"

With Adrian's last remaining forces having been taken out of the game, the contestants regrouped with all three interns in their collection.

"Leave them here for now," Michael ordered them. "Make sure they can't come in and ruin our plans at the last minute, of course."

Belinda proceeded to knock them all out gleefully.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!"

"Sometimes you scare me," Leslie gulped meekly.

The thirteen campers crept through the area to the only piece of camp left standing: Chris's quarters. That was where they would find Adrian, they knew, and they were all looking forward to delivering some justice. And vengeance. Vengice. Justeance. Vengiceance. WHO CARES?

The thirteen took Chef's weapon stash, each arming themselves with a weapon of their choice. They moved in, and once they got inside a hissing noise scared them. You can tell that they're scared because I told you they were scared. Their hairs stood on end, particularly Leslie, cat as she was.

_"You are all doomed, no matter what you do. No matter whether or not you kill me, no matter whether or not you find a way off this island...you will never escape. It is inevitable. Indisputable."_

"Well too bad," Michael sneered. "I'd like to dispute that."

_"You're just pawns. Nothing more, nothing less. Do you have any idea where you REALLY are? Do you know what lies beyond this island?"_

They kept turning around, trying to find the source of Adrian's voice. "Okay, Riddler," Peter and Jairo growled. "Tell us."

_"Meh. Don't feel like it."_

Lauren and Leanne both let out screams as shadows slammed them into the wall, keeping them from moving. Adrian appeared from the shadows and grinned as the others attempted to storm him with gunfire. Although his body bled, he continued going regardless, even after his hand fell off. Ha ha, just kidding.

Janet raised the shotgun and fired, to no avail. Like a zombie, Adrian merely kept going despite the blood pouring from him.

_"You cannot kill me...I am not bound by death. I am-" _Lauren raised her gun and killed him.

Then everyone turned to see the other Lauren standing there in shock.

"Why are there two Laurens?" Matthew asked nervously.

The Lauren who had killed Adrian snapped her fingers, a brief image of "her" true form visible for a split second before she was gone.

"What the hell just happened?" Janet demanded. "Lauren, what was that?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Lauren cried.

"Da Zeke is confused..." Da Zeke said, scratching the raccoon on his head, which purred.

"Is he gone? Is the demon gone?" Belinda asked nervously.

"That wasn't a demon," a new voice said, and the lights came on. Everyone turned to the direction that the voice had originated from.

A young teen walked in with long blond hair and blue eyes. He had below average height and build, and wore a Heartless t-shirt with gray-blue cargo shorts. Behind him stood Chef.

No. Morpheus Chef.

"Who are you?" Michael asked.

The teen smirked. "The name is Sam, also known as The Sarcasm Master. I'm the author of this fic."


	10. Fanficception!

"Wait wait wait, _what?"_

Sam shrugged and just looked around, amused at the OCs expressions. "Exactly what I said. We're in a fanfiction."

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" Michael growled. "Because I seem to have a fist that can rearrange your mental structure if necessary."

Sam nodded to Morpheus Chef, who cracked his knuckles menacingly. Michael backed down.

"Now I understand you all have questions," the author said soothingly.

"Oh really? I never would have guessed!" Leanne snarled, and Chef stepped between the author and the thirteen angry contestants.

"I'm going to explain everything, don't you worry," Sam said calmly. "Right now, in fact. As long as I get a guarantee that none of you try to attack me or escape while I'm doing so."

"No promises," Aurora hissed.

Sam cleared his throat. "Does the word 'guarantee' mean nothing to you?"

Belinda growled and tried to walk up to him but Chef just pushed her back.

Michael and Janet stepped forward. "We accept," Janet said. "Explain everything."

Sam sighed. "Okay. But don't blame me if you have a psychiatric break. Or rather..._do _blame me."

"You see, you all are in what is known as a SYOC fic. Authors on submit their original characters to what is usually a competition fic. I am the author of said fic, and took it upon myself to screw around with you and make you do whatever the hell I want you to."

"You mean YOU were the one who made me think I was a Pikachu?" Midnight bellowed, and had to be held back by Jairo and Peter.

"Yes," the blond boy replied simply. "But there's more to it than that. Now you're going to have to pay attention, no matter how hard that may be for..." His eyes looked over Leslie and Da Zeke. "...some people."

"I take offense at that," Leslie pouted.

"Thank you!" was Da Zeke's response.

"I ASSUME you all have heard of fanfiction."

"Of course," Matthew shrugged.

Leslie glared. "The last time I tried writing fanfiction...it didn't go too well...THEY WOULDN'T DO WHAT I WANTED THEM TO!"

To the OCs surprise, Sam actually doubled over laughing at this. "Oh yeah...yeah...um, you kind of have me to blame for that too. Beyond the Fourth Wall, anyone?"

"Explain yourself," Peter growled.

"Very well. But don't be surprised if you just end up even more confused than before."

"You see, each author on Fanfiction has what is known as an "authorverse." All of the fics that they make are interconnected, but each fic is separate. The canon Total Drama characters are molded to fit what the particular author wants. But the OCs created by the author are the actual denizens of that authorverse. The author controls all their characters in a story, and posts it to get reviews and praise so they can give themselves a pat on the back."

"Now, in every authorverse, there is one character that is what is known as an 'agent.' An agent is the only character in that authorverse that is aware of the fic and is capable of traveling between fics, and even traveling to different authorverses..." Sam gave Leslie a significant glance.

Leslie looked at Morpheus Chef and her eyes widened. "You...YOU! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO RUINED MY FIC!"

"Morpheus Chef is MY agent," Sam shrugged. "But traveling to a different authorverse is incredibly dangerous and could end up getting an agent stuck there...and I've been having a couple of problems myself."

"I'm so confused right now," Jairo groaned, placing a hand to his forehead.

"LEL is the agent of a user by the name of Wish I Was A Pirate. And he seems hellbent on trolling my story with his...weirdness."

"YOU DESERVE IT!" Leslie screamed.

"ScrowmegMeha, agent of Anatee Takamorako or whatever the heck it is. Shapeshifter, and was the reason that the 'dead' contestants managed to escape. He also killed Adrian, which led us to our current situation, correct?"

"Wait, hold up," Matthew interrupted. "You're saying I was created by a fanfiction user?"

"You ALL were!" Sam shouted, grinning. He pointed at Leslie. "YOU were created by ThePessimisticRainbow." He spun and pointed at Peter. "YOU were created by Applause2014." He pointed at Janet. "YOU were created by KaylaBow!"

"You were created by Ewisko! You were created by TheLovelyReaper! You were created by BlueIce RedFire! You were created by...um, how do I pronounce this? xXBlueOrchidsXx! You were created by The-Normal Twit! You both were created by Nightlingale! You were created by...ILoveHaleyReinhart! You were created by mrean22!

Finally, he pointed at Lauren. "And YOU were created by some random guest!"

"OH COME ON!" Lauren exclaimed.

"So wait, if there's only one character who can travel between authorverses, how are we here?" Michael asked.

Sam smirked, as if he'd been waiting for someone to ask that question. "I was given permission."

"By WHO?" Belinda snarled.

"Your owners! They gave me express permission to use you and do whatever the hell I want with you!"

Midnight lunged at him, only to be swatted aside by Morpheus Chef.

"So how do we get out?" Leanne asked, sounding surprisingly casual for having just been told she was just a character.

Sam chuckled. "You don't. I have total control of this story. There is no way out."

Belinda felt something vibrate in her pocket, and looked down in shock to see that she'd received a text message. The signal was back.

_Felt like you guys could use a little more help._

_-Scrow_

Belinda moved towards the back, letting everyone else do the talking.

"So no one's been paying attention to me because of you?" Lauren roared.

"I've been acting like a psychopath because of you?" Aurora seethed.

"I kept tripping over things because of you?"

"I thought I was a Pikachu because of you?" Midnight looked ready to explode.

"I WENT THROUGH A PSYCHIATRIC BREAK BECAUSE OF YOU?" Leslie screamed.

"I like peanuts," said Zeke.

"Uh, I'm actually pretty sure Sam didn't cause Leslie's psychiatric break," Leanne commented.

Belinda punched in numbers in the back.

"Give us a reason why we shouldn't kill you right now," Jairo moved threateningly towards him.

"I can give you two," Sam replied smugly. "One, Morpheus Chef. Two, I'm not actually the author. I'm merely his avatar in this world."

"Who cares?" Peter said dramatically. "I'm sure it could make us all feel better!"

"You don't understand," he chuckled. "Characters can only rebel against the author with the direct intervention of an agent. No one has done that."

Matthew started punching himself in the face, while Janet started beating up Leslie. Ha ha, you get it? I can make them do whatever the hell I want!

MIDNIGHT PULLS DOWN HIS PANTS! AURORA TRIES TO SLIT ZEKE'S THROAT! JAMES AND LAUREN TRY TO EAT EACH OTHER! JAIRO AND PETER MAKE OUT! (ha ha, just kidding. Sorry, Leslie.)

Sam laughed maniacally as chaos erupted. Everything was going according to plan! Everything IS going according to plan! Finally, everything is GOING RIGHT!

But then he heard something.

And it wasn't a good something.

It was the sound of a helicopter blade.

In the back, Belinda smirked triumphantly.

The door was bust down and burly Italian men stalked through, rifles in their hands. Morpheus Chef turned to fight them, his cleaver in hand, but the Mafia man was too fast, and Chef looked down at the gunshot wound on his stomach.

"What the hell?" Sam yelled as men stormed in from all sides, surrounding both him and Chef.

"Take another move and you'll be THROWN TO THE FISHES!" the head man said.

The OCs just watched in blank incomprehension as about twenty members of the Italian Mafia filed in and handcuffed both Chef and Sam.

Sam's eye twitched. "Oh, you are _kidding _me."

"That's what you get for messing with my daughter!" the head man said, slapping the author.

"What the hell is he talking about?" Peter asked, and it was more out of blank confusion than actual anger.

"Oh yeah," Belinda yawned. "Did I mention that my dad owns an Italian Mafia?"

The others stared at her in total silence.

Then, as one, they took a step away from her.

Sam growled and spit as the men led him away. "This isn't the end! I'm not the author! The REAL author is still typing away at his computer somewhere when he should be doing his homework! You can't win! THE WORST IS YET TO COME! THERE IS NO ESCAPE-"

He was gone, along with Morpheus Chef. The thirteen OCs nervously walked outside, and saw a ship docked outside.

Belinda's father came over to them. "You're all free to go. The ship is waiting for you. We'll lock down the island."

"Uh, despite the weirdness of this situation," Michael said nervously, "thank you."

"No problem. Just get on the ship and go. You've been here for too long. Now if you'll excuse me I need to see if anything's salvageable so I can take it home."

The contestants cheered. "WE'RE GOING HOME!" Matthew leaped with joy.

"Uh, I don't really know where I live," Da Zeke said.

"I JUST WANT THAT BASTARD TO SUFFER! I'M CONTENT!" said Leslie.

"Hear that, Midnight? No more insanity breaks. We're going home."

"...you do realize you guys are just jinxing us, right?" James noted, but no one listened to him. They piled onto the boat.

"NO MORE CHRIS! NO MORE ADRIAN! WE CAN ALL GO BACK TO OUR RESPECTIVE AUTHORVERSES OR WHATEVER THE HELL THEY ARE!" Peter and Jairo cheered at the same time.

"Let's not get too caught up in the moment," Janet warned.

"LET'S TOTALLY GET CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT!" Leanne yelled, surprisingly enthusiastically. They partied, even Lauren and Belinda, who were now (somewhat) accepted by the group. They were oddballs, all of them, but they'd been

A crash, and everyone was thrown off their feet as they crashed into the sky.

They had reached the fourth wall.

Sound familiar yet?

Seeing the door on the side, they piled out, kicking and shoving and in Leslie's case probably twerking. Michael and Peter made it to the front and opened the door.

All thirteen went through, and gaped at what they saw.

Namely, a beautiful entrance hall with many doors in it. "Wow..." Aurora and Midnight gaped.

"Da Zeke likes!" Da Zeke attempted to take the raccoon off of his head. "Come on, Rocket! You can do it!"

"You called him Rocket?" Aurora asked incredulously. "Why?"

"You never watched that movie, eh?"

"...no."

"Okay guys," Janet said. "There doesn't appear to be an exit. One of these doors should lead to the other authorverse. If we split up we should be able to cover more ground."

"You're kidding, right?" Jairo sneered. "How would we know which one was the right one? We should all go through the same one."

Janet growled. "Fine."

She opened one of the doors and went through. Matthew followed. Then Jairo, Peter, and Michael. Leslie, Aurora, and Midnight after this. Da Zeke, Lauren, Belinda, Leanne, and James.

A whirling sound was heard, and they were gone.

* * *

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01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00111111

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00111111

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00111111

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00111111

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00111111

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00111111

**James POV**

Ugh...where the hell am I? I open my eyes to find that my head is throbbing. I'm lying on grass. Weird...why am I lying facedown in the grass? I don't generally...where the hell am I?

I rise to my feet, stumbling around a little bit. I'm in a forested area. Nothing much to it. I keep moving. Where are the others? They all went through, didn't they? I reach a muddy slope that goes downward in a circle, and I look into a center ring. My stomach drops.

In the middle of the dirt clearing is a horn on its side, and from my vast array of books I know that this is...

Oh God. Oh dear God.

I'm in the Hunger Games.

**END OF ACT I**


	11. Is This Taking Too Long?

**Please note that minor spoilers for From Drama to Death follow. If you haven't read that I highly advise it...and perhaps leave a review or two. *shameless self-advertising***

* * *

**District 2**

**Alejandro POV**

The night was absolutely horrible. I tried to find a place to sleep, something comfortable, but in the end my thoughts just raced around in my mind. Heather's death. Duncan getting torn to pieces. The Bloodbath. The feast. Everything just mixes all at once like a film behind my eyelids and I can't shut it off, leading to me having had very little sleep last night. Strangely, however, I don't feel all that tired. My blood id boiling and it's all I can do not to destroy everything in my path.

_***skip meaningless filler***_

I look down to see that the muddy trail of footprints has ended. I pretend not to notice but in actuality am scanning the surrounding area keenly, looking for anyone lying in wait.

"Lose something?"

The voice comes from above and I quickly unsheathe my sword and scramble back. I look up to see Noah sitting on a tree branch, and although he seems to be trying to give off a cool impression, his eyes are bloodshot. He blinks a few times.

"Goddammit," I growl. "Izzy and Eva are here, right? Well, this is some trap you lured me into. Bravo."

Noah doesn't smirk, or anything. He just winces. "Izzy and Eva...aren't here."

"What?"

Noah bites his lip, eyes narrowing. "They're going after Cody now. I guess I just had the realization that they didn't have a need for me anymore. And...a few other things."

What the hell is he doing? "I'm sorry, but I don't believe that you're not just saying this to get me to put my guard down so Eva can massacre me."

"If only we could," Noah sighs. "What would you do in that situation? You're prepared for it, I know."

I gesture to my sword. "Dodge out of the way, then throw the knife in my boot right at you."

Noah nods. "I wouldn't have expected that. According to Eva you didn't have any long-range weapons left, so that would have easily killed me. Do you see now why I left?"

"Because if the three of you attacked me you'd undoubtedly die?"

"Well, yes. I would undoubtedly die. But I've always known that I was going to die. In fact, in a few minutes I'm going to hop down and _allow _you to kill me."

What the...I scrunch up my face in confusion.

"Why though? You made it this far. Why throw away your chance to win?"

Noah sighs, placing a hand to his temple. "Can we just talk for a few minutes? Then I'll come down, and then _boom, _you're in the final four. But my hope is that you will listen to what I have to say."

I growl. "I still believe that you're doing this so Eva can gut me."

"You can believe that if you want to. I left Eva and Izzy because I knew they didn't need me anymore. And I didn't want them...to have to see me die. They would know what I did so that they would win, but they wouldn't have to witness the gruesome details."

"So this is a misguided act of heroism?" I ask condescendingly.

"Well, everything _you've_ ever done is a misguided act of villainy, so I suppose it's even," is his sardonic response.

"Do you just enjoy being an insufferable little ass?" I ask him rhetorically.

He turns his head, eyebrows scrunching. "Wait, did you hear that?"

"Knew it," I laugh. "You're just trying to distract me." I hear a faint something in the distance, but it's probably nothing.

"No, seriously," he says, sounding genuinely concerned. "Did you hear that?"

"No, what the hell are you talking about?" I ask. I hear something, and it's getting louder, ever so slightly. I can barely make out what it is.

Why does it sound like "lel" being repeated over and over again?

"You're saying you seriously don't hear that?" Noah asks, and someone stabs him and shoves him off the tree.

"LELELELELELLELELELELELELELELLELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELEL!"

"What the hell?" I shriek as it teleports and appears in front of me, a shit-eating grin on its face as it guts me and I explode for some reason.

* * *

**District...uh...um...let's just say District 42. That works.**

**Michael POV**

Okay, after careful consideration and logical thought processes, I have concluded that...

...I have no idea what the fuck is going on. Egads, it's like this entire universe (or authorverse, whatever) is insane. Hunger Games? You're kidding me, right? I jog through the woods, looking for any sign of anyone else. I catch a glimpse of someone lying unconscious on the ground and I skid to a halt, turning to see who it is.

It's Midnight. He groans and looks up at me, face blue and a painful grimace stretched across his face. "What's up?" I ask, kneeling down to help him up.

"I feel like my intestines decided to jump ship and they're trying to force themselves up through my throat," he writhes.

"That's...lovely. Buuuuut, I don't honestly care. Have you seen anyone else?"

"Need to find...Aurora..." he groans, stumbling and falling flat on his face.

"Not the question, dipshit. Have you seen anyone else?"

"...daZekereesg"

"Huh?" I ask, as he mumbles into the ground. He turns his head up to face me.

"Da Zeke! Gods, you're thick!"

He proceeds to vomit on my shoes. "Whoop, there they go," he giggles slightly. "Pretty sure that's Liver. Should have known he'd be the first to go, the yellow-bellied coward..."

"Uh, Midnight? I thought you were only being insane because of that douchebag, the author. Shouldn't you be sane?"

"You try being sane when ya feel like this!" he slurs at me before falling face-down in his own vomit. I step away from him. It seems as though traveling here took its toll on some people more than others. I drag him under a tree and leave him there. This will be the meeting point. Now I just need to gather the others. Okay, so he said Da Zeke came through. I eye the trail of blood on the ground.

...that probably came from that ridiculous raccoon he insists on wearing, so I might as well follow that.

I sneak through, trying to remain quiet just in case.

"Hi." I turn around and scream.

Da Zeke stands there.

He's only wearing a raccoon.

...that's a weird thought.

"What the hell?" I ask.

"Oh yeah, eh," he says. "All my clothes were torn up so I just decided to take them off. He doesn't seem to mind," he says, pointing at Peter, who glances at me with lazy eyes from the tree, giving me a half-hearted wave.

"Please help me," he says.

"Get down," I say calmly. "We need to find the others. Midnight's over there passed out-"

"Per usual, I see."

"-And that makes four of us, meaning we still have to find nine others."

"And all of you are boys! In the woods! THIS IS AWESOME!" Once again, I whirl around and shriek to see Leslie standing there with this big shit-eating grin on her face. "I LOVE THE HUNGER GAMES! IT'S THE BEST LOVE TRIANGLE EVER!"

"She seems to have missed the other ninety percent of the series," Peter sneers. "including the action, horrifying social commentary, character deaths, and the fact that the love triangle is a farce used to exploit sponsors."

"What happened to you?" I ask her.

"I woke up. I started walking. I found you guys," she says flatly.

"Not everyone is as eventful as you guys, eh," Da Zeke says.

"Alright, that's five then," I sigh. "Let's group around Midnight's unconscious body to discuss exactly what the hell is going on here."

"Yes!" Leslie cheers. "Let's group around his unconscious body, everybody!"

Sometimes I really want to know what goes on in that girl's mind.

* * *

**District 69**

**Leslie POV**

YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI

* * *

**District 42**

**Michael POV**

...and sometimes I really don't. Moving on.

I walk back over to the tree and something slips out from under my feet, and dirt seems to crumble away. I roll my ankle and look down to see that there's an abyss beneath me. "What the hell?"

"Look in the tree, eh," Da Zeke says, and I look up to Peter, who's paying absolutely no attention. "No, the other tree!" I turn to see...Cody?

"Cody..." Leslie growls.

"Uh, do I know you?" Cody asks nervously. "Any of you? Are you even tributes?"

"You don't even bother to remember me?" Leslie snarls. "AFTER ALL THE EMOTIONAL SCARRING YOU LEFT ME?"

There's silence for a few seconds, and he just looks down at us in confusion. "Uh, nope."

"Okay, okay, I can explain," I say, holding my hands up in the air and getting in between them. "Believe it or not, you're in a fanfiction and somehow you're still alive. Congratulations on that, by the way. A Total Drama/Hunger Games crossover to be exact. We come from a different fanfic by the same author and we're just trying to find our way out of here."

He just stares down at me. "Okaaaaaaaaay..."

I sigh. "Just leave us alone for now. We'll get out of here and then you'll be fine. Come on, everyone. Let's go." The four of us walk away and Midnight trudges along beside us, only to throw up on Zeke's raccoon, which then proceeds to tear him a new one.

Sigh.

* * *

**District rhoarg[iwhn**

**Janet POV**

I have literally not moved an inch and a whole bunch of people have just found me. I'm not used to being able to do things without trying. Seriously. Aurora threw up ice for some reason (not surprising, Elsa) and fell down on her face. James came in shivering and possibly scarred. Belinda walked in with a makeshift sword made out of a really, really sharp stick and a full deer.

So the four of us are just sitting around, doing nothing. We probably should be out looking for the others but we're too busy trying to relax after the mindfuckery of the whole authorverse thing. God that shit is confusing.

Leanne walks up to us with her typical bored expression. "Hey."

"Meep," is James's response.

Aurora probably would have responded if she hadn't been, you know, unconscious.

"I thought I was going home," Belinda quivers. "But I'm not."

"Another brilliant observation," Leanne sneers, sitting down next to us. "What's the plan?"

"We don't have a plan," I say weakly. "There are five of us here, right? That means we have to find eight others. And then find the way out of here."

"WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THE HUNGER GAMES?" James cries.

I slap him. "Suck it up! You've remained cool and collected this whole time and you are NOT about to give up now JUST BECAUSE we're in the Hunger Games! We are GOING to find a way out, okay?"

He sniffles a little bit. "Okay. Okay. I'll calm down."

_"Thank _you," Leanne rolls her eyes.

"Okay. Let's just be calm for now. We'll find the others later. For now we just relax."

* * *

**Head Gamemaker**

**Chris McLean**

Uhhhhhhhh...

_What?_

* * *

Sam casually dusted himself off, smirking. Morpheus Chef kicked the last of the Mafia men away, chuckling. All too easy, especially when the two reality warpers known as LEL and ScrowmegMeha had left the fanfic, lending control back to the author (ergo, me).

Sam cursed. "Dammit! We lost control! I can't have them go around ruining my OTHER fanfics! We need to keep them contained! But how do we do that when SOME PEOPLE KEEP INTERFERING!" he spit at Morpheus Chef. "Yeah, I KNOW who you are."

Morpheus Chef's form changed into that of someone looking similar to Scott. "Alright, you caught me! SORRY for trying to play fair!"

"Where's the real Morpheus Chef?" Sam growled, conjuring a pistol in his hand and raising it up to the enemy agent. ScrowmegMeha raised his hands in the air.

"I bring a message from my author," he said calmly. "We're willing to help you regain control."

"Yeah, after you killed Adrian and threw the shit into the fan?"

"That was a mistake. I wasn't aware of the rammifications. LEL will keep helping them cause as much chaos as possible, throwing the entire system into chaos. It will be deemed 'trolling.' And as we all know, if there's enough trolling..."

The two of them said it at the same time. "The fic will be taken down."

"And we don't want _that,_" the agent said. "I enjoy doing it, and I'd say it's your fault for having troll friends."

Sam rolled his eyes at this. "Just kill them. Once they're dead I'm ending the fic. That way LEL won't have any more outlets to spread his destruction."

ScrowmegMeha turned away from him. "Don't be too sure of that..."

"Go," Sam snapped. "Bring Morpheus Chef with you. Do not stop until all of them are _dead. For real this time."_

The agent bowed sardonically. "Your will be done."

And with a flicker he was gone.

* * *

**Where are Jairo, Lauren, and Matthew? What is LEL's deal? Will ScrowmegMeha and Morpheus Chef be successful? How much more can I shit over my own creation? Find out next time on TOTAL DRAMA DECEPTION!**


	12. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**District 3.1415**

**DA ZEKE POV YO**

YO YO MAN I'M HERE IN DA HOUSE DOING SHIT, DOING WHATA OVA SOMETHING SOMETHING...

...man, I lost the flow, yo. Let's try this again, eh.

YO YO MAN I'M HERE IN DA HOUSE DOING SHIT, DOING WHATA OVA SOMETHING SOMETHING...

nah, man, I need to get in da zone, yo. These guys are kinda disrespectful of my flow, ya know. I need to have something new, something bold, something that will knock their socks off like nothing has knocked their socks off ever before!

YO YO MAN I'M HERE IN DA HOUSE DOING SHIT, DOING WHATA OVA SOMETHING SOMETHING...

perfection.

* * *

*we apologize for this completely pointless POV that only serves as a glimpse into the strange mind that is Da Zeke and serves no purpose whatsoever*

* * *

**District 413**

**Aurora POV**

Ugh, my head! I hate this stupid place! The entire time I've been here I've felt like shit, vomiting and crap. I slowly stand up and take a look around at the people around me. Janet, Belinda, Leanne, and James sit nearby, and I walk up to them.

"My head hurts," I groan.

"Is it contagious?" Leanne asks, only to have Janet smack her.

"Good to see you're awake," Janet says.

"It is?" Leanne continues, only to receive another smack.

Belinda sighs. "I just want out of here."

"We all do," James says. "But yeah, I don't really care that you've woken up. You're a bit of a bitch."

"Would you like to say that again?" I growl.

"You're a bit of a bitch."

"HOW DARE YOU?"

Janet stamps her foot on the ground. "Okay, both of you stop! We need to find the others quickly, or else-"

The sound of a cannon penetrates the air and we all jump in shock.

Then the earth starts to rumble, and crack beneath our feet.

"Oh shit!" all of us somehow manage to say at once before running for our lives.

I continue running and jump down this weird slope thing in front of me and then this other stuff and WHOA it's all boomy and stuff. Okay, what the hell did I just think?

I am so freaking confused right now it's not even funny.

We're on the center circle with the Cornucopia in the middle now and from the other side I see Michael, Da Zeke (grrrrrr), Peter, Leslie, and my brother stumble out of the woods.

"RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!" Midnight yells. "THE DEMON IS HERE! THE DEMON IS HERE!"

"WHAT?" I yell. "WHO?"

There's a bellow and one of the former contestants I recognize as Eva flies towards us with a berserker rage and we all scream and panic and stuff.

Michael runs towards the Cornucopia and somehow vanishes.

"Wait, WHAT?" Janet exclaims, before Michael pokes his head in out of nowhere.

"In here! I guess this is the portal out!"

"How convenient," is Peter's droll response, and quickly the ten of us file in. With a whoosh, we're back in the lobby.

* * *

All ten contestants lied on the floor, groaning. Disembodied elevator music lingers in the air, something with a flute and jazzy keyboard. Quite relaxing.

"Okay...what?" Leanne groaned.

"THIS IS THE BIGGEST HEADACHE I'VE EVER HAD SINCE MY MONTHLONG YAOI WITHDRAWAL," Leslie groaned.

"Not as big as the headaches you've given us," Leanne snarked.

She was once again smacked by Janet.

The muzak still played.

"Okay, that wasn't the right way," Janet said. "I think we should take Jairo's suggestion and split up into groups to go through the other doors. Right, Jairo?"

She looked around to see that Jairo wasn't there. "Okay, let's do another countoff."

"Midnight is here! And perfectly capable of speech for once!"

"Aurora."

"Ugh. James."

"Sunfl-I mean Leslie."

"The only sane person here."

Leanne was smacked by Janet.

"Peter. Seriously, these take way too long."

"Michael."

"YO YO DA ZEKE YO YO YO YO YO YO-"

"We get it, you like yo-yos. Belinda!"

Janet cleared her throat. "Then me. That's ten. Jairo, Matthew, and...um...Lauren! That's her name! They aren't here! Which means they're still in there...should we get them?"

It was quiet for a moment.

"Nah."

"But...my OTPs!" Leslie whimpered.

"We're trying the other doors!" Janet snapped. "Nobody cares about your OTPs!"

"This elevator music is getting really annoying," Michael commented.

"Split into groups," Janet snapped, and quickly the ten remaining contestants shoved around and organized themselves into groups.

Group 1 consisted of Leslie, Da Zeke, and Peter, much to Peter's displeasure. Group 2 consisted of Aurora, Midnight, and James, much to James's displeasure. Group 3 consisted of Leanne, Michael, Belinda, and Janet, much to Janet's-wait, that doesn't make sense. Never mind.

"Group 1 through that door."

Da Zeke and Leslie just stood there, while Peter walked through the door. About three seconds later the two not-so-bright ones registered the command and entered.

"Group 2 through that door."

The three entered with much less problems.

"Group 3, including me, through this door."

And thus, the four walked into the unknown.

* * *

Welcome back goobers. It's me, your evil overlord Max, back again with more enlightening information on how to-

OMFG LMFAO WUT IS THEIS HAHA I CANT BRETH

Um, who would this be?

lol thes is leisele...lilsei...leslei...watev...hi! its nice 2 met u!

Why is your text appearing on my screen? I'm trying to do something here? Why can't I delete it? Scarlett, are you here?

_I'm here. And I'm just as clueless as you._

Okay, where the hell is my body? I can only see text on a screen, including my own. It's like I'm...disembodied or something.

petey, is tht u?

I'm sorry, was I supposed to understand that?

**YO YO YO YO DA ZEKE YO YO NIGA NIGA YO YO WORD MAN YA'LL BOOM CHIKA BOOM CHIKA**

OMG zekey ! ur here 2!

OKAY, EVERYBODY OUT! As your evil overlord, it is my sworn duty to protect my creations. I cannot do so if you are constantly bickering and confusing me. And henceforth, I sentence you to get the fuck out of here.

_Would you look at that. The baby cussed._

WHO SAID THAT?

Am I supposed to understand who's talking at all?

lol wut do u thkn petre?

**DA ZEKE IS IN DA HOUSE YO, RIT HERE DOING STUFF AND SOME OTHER STUFF...UH...**

**LET'S TRY OUT SOME RHYYMES, YO!**

**YO YO MAN I'M HERE IN DA HOUSE DOING SHIT, DOING WHATA OVA SOMETHING SOMETHING...**

_Your pathetic behaviors both incite me to place a hand to my forehead and to snicker in derision._

hey!1111how r u calin stipued?

_*who_

_*are_

_*you_

_*calling_

_*stupid?_

_I believe the amount of corrections speaks for itself._

wut are u, a fukin gramer nasi? go fuk urself. wif a dictionary.

_You managed to spell dictionary correctly. Maybe you're not hopeless._

God, what did I do to deserve this?**  
**

Okay, that's it! EVERYBODY OUT!

EVERYBODY **DA ZEKE YO**OUT EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT omg thes is jsut liek teh one tiem iEVERYBODY OUT OH DEAR GODEVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT **EVERYGOT DA BEAT RIGHT HEREBODY** OUT_This is stupid._EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODYWhat is a man, but a miserable pile of secrets? OUT EVERYBODY OUTwehr i wnet 2 teh store and they ttly**WHOP WHOOP WHEEP WHOP** Sigh. EVERYBODY OUT _Meh. Might as well join it._ _AHAHAH_and den this guy EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUTwaz ttly hitin on me but it wuz sooooo obvious he wuz gayEVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUTEVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUTwuz so i told him to go maek out with the cuet guy over threr!_AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA _honk **FO SHIZLLE, UH HUH, THIS IS SO MU**EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT**CH BETTER WHEN PEOPLE DON'T ACTUALLY HEAR ME** To quote Noah, life, why do you hate me so?

* * *

The terrain was dark, dreary, and dark. Everything was sad and depressing, and boring, even though it was in the future. There was important stuff of much seriousness going on that no one, not even the author really cared about (not really, but it had the least motivation behind it).

Did we mention it was dark? I don't think we did.

DARK DARK DEPRESSION BLUH.

Midnight woke up, alas, with the same headache. He was slightly more coherent than when he had woken up in the FDTD session, but not much. Aurora was humming, while James just sighed, staring at a wall, motionless. Driven into shock at having to spend time with the two siblings.

It was raining. Because this fic is dark.

"Why aren't the cars moving?" Aurora asked, curiously examining the cars before them.

"At a guess, I'd say it would be because the fic isn't regularly updated," Midnight guessed. "Possibly could be a dead fic."

"I don't care," James said. "It isn't the way out so I don't give a crap. Let's find the portal out of here."

"HEY!" A large, burly man stood at the entrance of the alleyway in which they had spawned (did we mention it was an alleyway? You want to know the reason? BECAUSE IT'S DARK.)

"OH crap, CHEF! RUN!" Midnight yelled.

"I'm police! Don't run!" Dominic Hatchet yelled before tasering Midnight.

"Not...again...WHEEEEEEEE!" Midnight said, eyes rolling back in his head before falling unconscious.

James and Aurora just facepalmed before turning themselves in.

* * *

**Leanne**

The applause died down as the teenage girl was pushed onto the stage. She looked like she had no idea what she was doing, mainly because she had no idea what she was doing or where she was. She had no way of knowing that she was in a fic about the TD contestants receiving Academy Awards. She couldn't know that.

"Am I supposed to make a speech?" she asked, trophy in hand. "Uh...what is this again?" Her eyes widened. "A FREAKING ACADEMY AWARD? NO WAY!"

"Uh, that's why you're here," the ghost, I mean host said. "It's time for your speech."

"Uh, thanks," Leanne said, and then walked off.

The crowd booed, as B had already used that joke. Leanne was shoved back onstage to complete her required speech.

"What more do you want? Where are my friends?" she asked. "Okay, you want me to make a speech, I'll make a *BEEP*ing speech."

"*BEEP* this. *BEEP* you. *BEEP* all of you. Goodbye."

Sadly, Duncan had already used that joke as well, so when Leanne tried to leave she once again was pushed back onstage.

* * *

Backstage, Belinda, Michael, and Janet were waiting on the bench along with all of the TD contestants who had not yet made speeches. Namely, most of them. Eva was pacing around, snarling, while Scott was muttering under his breath. Sam (the gamer, not the author. Well, the author plays video games but isn't as fat as Sam. I mean, the TD character Sam isn't as fat as the...wait, no, it's the other way around. The Sam with a girlfriend. There we go) was busy playing his video game, while Dakota was pacing angrily.

"I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A MONTH NOW AND I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY ACADEMY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH!"

Scarlett placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. Your time will come. And at least you have a speech, unlike some people," she said, gesturing to Max.

"I do _too _have a speech," Max protested. "It's informing them of my world-conquering ambitions and how they are all powerless to stop me! Then I plan to use these robots to BRING THEM ALL TO SUBMISSION! MWA HA HA HA!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever," Scarlett said, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, *BEEP* you!"

"Would you look at that? The baby cussed."

Max scratched his head. "You know, for some reason I'm feeling some kind of deja vu..."

Belinda was chatting away with Sky and Zoey, who were both scooting away from the cheerful, pink-haired Mafia girl. Janet was arguing with Eva about going onstage, because apparently they couldn't while someone was on there.

Michael sat alone.

"You lost?" a dry voice asked, and Michael looked up to see Noah, who just looked down at him, incredibly bored.

"What do you think?" Michael snapped.

"I don't care," was Noah's response. "You're obviously not from around here. What, did you just to decide to drop in to see us? I _appreciate_ the thought."

"Okay. You are currently in a fanfiction. I come from a different fanfic written by the same author and we're trying to find our way out."

Michael looked at Noah, expecting to hear something like "That's ridiculous. You need to see a psychiatrist."

Instead, Noah just shrugged. "Okay."

* * *

**District Uno**

**Jairo POV**

I'm in the freaking Capitol along with two of the most annoying people in the world. Lauren keeps trying to get people to remember her name, and Matthew keeps trying to help every single freaking person he meets. I don't know where any of the others are, or what they're doing.

"My name is Lauren. Laaaaauuuurrrreeeennn."

"I don't caaaaarrrreeee..." the fat stylist who looks like Sugar says very emphatically. "I dooooonnnn't caaaarrree about y'all. I ain't no waitress! I'm going somewhere else! AWAY FROM YOU LUNATICS!"

The older version of Sugar, who was the only person here willing to listen to us for more than five seconds, leaves. We have no place to go and no idea how to get anywhere.

"We could always just ask more people," Matthew shrugs.

I growl. "I wish I hadn't been stuck with such _morons."_

"You're not very nice, are you," Lauren pouts.

"You _just noticed this?"_

"No."

The intercom turns on and a familiar voice blares over it, belonging to Chris McLean, or at least this fic's version of him. "Attention you three. You know the ones. Stay where you are. We're coming to fetch you and we don't want a scene."

The three of us look at each other and shrug.

"Meh."


	13. Beyond the Fifth Wall

**YO YO MAN YO YO THIS IS GETTING** and den he wuz ttly ilek OMG **KINDA BORING** Whyyyyyyy meeeeeee? What did I do to deserve this faaaaaaaate?**YO YO WORD** EVERYBODY OUT EVERBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT** YO YO **omg is petey singing? I do not know what I've dooooooone to deserve this, please Gooooooodddd, be gooooooood! **YEAH, AND THE SINNERS ARE RIGHTEOUS AND THE RIGHTEOUS HAVE SINNED, HABLA HAVA...BOOM BADA BIN! **EVERYBODY OUT EVERYBODY OUT omg thies is so aeomw!

_Okay, THAT'S IT! **EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP OR SO HELP ME I WILL CHOP YOUR ARMS OFF AND LAUGH AS THE BLOOD SPRAYS OUT, AND THEN FORCEFEED YOU POISON THAT WILL MAKE YOU VOMIT UP YOUR ORGANS! THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL I HACK YOUR BODY TO BITS AND THEN LAUGH AS YOU SCREAM UNTIL YOU DIE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHH! SO SHUT. UP. NOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!**_

**...**

...

...

...

Scarlett, I thought you said you took your meds.

_I'm better now. Now that we've cleared that up, we should probably determine the best way to remedy the situation._

...I'm scared now.

we all r, petey, we all r.

Tara, shut up.

my naem is lslei.

Same difference.

_**Hello good sirs and ladies, am I interrupting anything?**_

Scarlett, is that you again with the bold, underlining, and italics?

**_No, this is ScrowmegMeha, at your service. This is patently ridiculous and obviously isn't going anywhere, and I've been hired to kill you. And I can't exactly do that just by being text. So back to the lobby we go._**

WAIT-

* * *

**Head Gamemaker**

**Chris McLean**

Chef sighs as the two of us wait around for their arrival. Forces are here and ready just in case these weirdos might actually pose a threat. The Games are ruined, and I'm not particularly happy about that. It was so close to the finale, too! God, sometimes things just don't really work out I guess...

The three teens are brought in, and I size them up. A forgettable-looking girl who identifies as Lauren. A Hispanic dude who spits in a guard's face. Real smart. And a guy who's wearing a cape for some reason.

"Okay, so what's the deal here?" I ask, and they shrug.

"I don't think you'd believe us," Matthew says.

"He wouldn't," Lauren says.

"Just tell me," I yawn. "I haven't got all day."

Something changes within Chef. Something ripples. Shades form over his eyes and his clothes change.

"Oh shit," Jairo says, and Chef turns to me and-

* * *

**District Purple**

**Matthew POV**

HOLY CRAP, CHRIS IS DEAD! AGAIN! IN TWO DIFFERENT FICS! That's...not a bad feeling, actually. "Morpheus Chef!" I yell. "Run!"

We run.

A knife flies past my face and I turn around to see that the guards are beating Morpheus Chef down to the ground. It's...actually rather funny to watch, really.

"LET GO OF ME YA FOOL! YA DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH HERE! I GOT KIDS TO KILL AND NOT A WHOLE LOT OF TIME TO DO IT!"

He got tasered.

Jairo, Lauren and I shudder as the giant hulking figure lies unconscious on the ground. Chef can be pretty terrifying when he's not being weird.

One of the soldiers turns to us. "Okay, what the hell happened here?"

Lauren, Jairo and I look around and shrug at each other. "We honestly have no clue," Jairo says.

The soldier puts a hand to his ear. "Uh huh. Okay. Anyway, Scarlett and the President want to see you. You guys kinda screwed things up for us. All of the tributes in the Arena are dead now, and your friends appear to have vanished."

"Scarlett?" I gulp, remembering her run on PI. "Who is she again?"

"A Gamemaker. She'll be with the President."

Guns are pointed at us and we raise our hands in the air. "Now come on. We don't have all day."

* * *

**Janet**

Janet was shoved out onto the stage, only to walk back off.

She once again was shoved out onto the stage, only to walk back off.

For a third time, she was shoved out onto the stage, only to walk back off.

Et cetera.

Et cetera.

Et cetera.

* * *

Eva continued to pace backstage, grumbling. Leanne had disappeared after having completed her speech, and Michael and Belinda worried that it could be that once they were finished with their speeches they would be gone as well.

"So how can we help you assholes get out of here?" Noah yawned.

"Could you let us use some of you as target practice?" Belinda asked happily.

"Tempting, but no."

"I suppose that Leanne and Belinda are gone," Michael mused. "I'm not sure what that means for us though.

"All I know is that after someone goes up on stage, they never come back," Noah said.

There was the sound of breaking glass from elsewhere. "Oh, wonderful," Noah rolled his eyes. "Not again..."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Scarlett flipped again!" Noah called and immediately a whole bunch of contestants led by Owen filed in with weapons. "Restrain her! Go team go!"

Max lay dead upon the floor, stabbed to death. Scarlett's hair was down. "I've had ENOUGH time spent sitting. IT'S TIME FOR YOU ALL TO DIE!"

Zoey and Sky tackled her to the ground, only to be stabbed in the back by Scott.

"HA, this IS fun!" Scott snorted. "VILLAINS! UNITE!"

Alejandro punched Owen in the jaw. Heather and Gwen got into a catfight. Topher ran screaming for his life with Scarlett and Sugar chasing him around. Noah just sat around and watched.

"What the hell are we supposed to do?" Michael asked Belinda, as both were crouching behind a chair.

"Join the fight!" she said, and proceeded to laugh maniacally as she flung herself in between Amy and Samey's fight for no discernable reason.

Noah joined Michael behind the chair, and promptly pulled out a book and started reading.

"You're _reading?" _Michael asked in shock?

Noah rolled his eyes. "This stuff always gets sorted out in the end. Every time fights break out, eventually the author comes in to break it up."

"Wait, _you already knew about this?"_

"Somehow I can remember when it happens when no one else can. I'm sure he'll be here soon to tidy up. First time around I was screaming and terrified."

Michael's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Oh shit...That's not good, he's the asshole we're running from!"

Noah shrugged. "You're going to have to find your way out of here then. Sam isn't going to show any mercy."

"What about me?" Sam asked, ducked behind another table.

"Nothing!" Noah called, and then peered his head over the table. "Go team go!"

He then popped his head down and continued reading.

Michael just shook his head in disbelief. "You are one cold motherfucker."

* * *

We would head to the No Quarter session right now except for the fact that literally nothing interesting is going on over there right now. Their plot development comes at a later date. And for some reason my influence is being blocked there, which means that LEL must be in the vicinity.

All we really need to know right now is that Midnight was diagnosed with brain damage, but we already knew that. Poor dude can't really catch a break. Ha ha, I really don't give a shit. He just needs to die already.

Speaking of which...

Ugh, why won't these OCs freaking DIE! They're like cockroaches! Nasty, smelling, little wretches that just won't snuff it already! God, what's the deal here? Not one, but TWO agents are working on taking them out AND THEY'RE STILL. FREAKING. ALIVE. What the hell is the deal here? All of them are terrible pieces of crap that don't deserve to be here! Forgive me, I'm going to rant a little. I apologize if your feelings are hurt.

Actually, that's a lie, I don't give a damn about your feelings, this is my story and I can do whatever the hell I want with it as long as that fucking LEL doesn't keep interfering...

They're abominations. All of them. Each of them, in their own little maniacal way. They are wastes of my time, and I don't even know why I bothered to create this stupid fic if all that's going to happen are revolts and other shit like that.

You are all fucking insane for creating these characters, and I have you to thank for me dealing with this fucking mess. Thank you so much.

Goodbye.

* * *

**Please note that I do not actually view any of you or your characters that way. That is in-universe Sam's opinion, who I have playfully and self-deprecatingly rendered as a massive asshole. Please take his whiny bitching with a grain of salt and don't worry: all of your OCs are great and I'm really having a lot of fun with this fic. So anyway-**

Whoa whoa whoa! Who the hell are you?

**Uh, what?**

You. Bold text. Smug overtones. Who the hell are you and what the hell do you think you're doing?

**I'm providing an out of character author's note! I do this on occasion, you know.**

Uh, no. Who are you? Oh God, have they gotten here too?

**I don't know what you're talking about. My name's Sam, pleasure to make your acquaintance.**

Oh, ha ha, very funny. Impersonating an author's note. I don't DO author's notes. In fact, I don't believe you, because I'M Sam, and I'm currently dealing with a whole bunch of problems related to my characters rebelling. So unless you have anything pertinent to add, I'd get out of here now before I really get angry.

**Yeah, you're used to your authorial powers, aren't ya. Yeah. Sorry. I outrank you.**

You can't outrank me, I'm the author! Now be real this time. You're not Sam.

**You're right, I'm out of universe Sam.**

...that doesn't make any sense!

**You're right it doesn't! Nothing makes sense in this fic! Didn't you get the memo like around...chapter 2?**

I WAS WRITING IT, FUCKASS!

**Language! God, why did I write you as such a douche...**

...what?

**You see, I am outside the context of the story. I control your actions at my whim. Everything you've done has been a gross exaggeration of my negative qualities in a self-deprecating manner to provide the audience with laughs.**

Uh, no. No no no, that's not the way it works.

**Is it? Have you ever considered that I may be typing up your responses as well, just switching from bold to regular text while doing so? Has that thought ever crossed your mind?**

...

**Yeah, thought so. I CREATED YOU, MWAHAHAHAHA. HA. Now, after we've finished this conversation you shall forget we ever had it. Wouldn't have you going around making things even MORE meta, huh? What wall are we on now again? The fifth one?**

Lo, behold, shut the fuck up.

**There's that language again. You are my avatar inside of a fic, controlling the events inside it to the best of your ability, while I sit and laugh at everything, including myself. "Myself" meaning you. I'm perfect.**

You're seriously pissing me off.

**I tend to do that a lot. But wait! What if I'M just a character in ANOTHER fic! What if we're ALL just God's OCs? *gasp* THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.**

Uhhhhhhh...

**LO, BEHOLD, WE ARE ALL IN GOD'S FANFIC, EVERYBODY!**

I'm not even...what?

**But wait! There's more! WHAT IF GOD IS JUST A CHARACTER IN A FANFIC, WRITTEN BY A FIVE YEAR OLD GIRL? THAT WOULD BE BREAKING THE FIFTH, SIXTH, AND SEVENTH WALLS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

Oh, for God's sake shut up!

**AND THEN WE BREAK THROUGH THE EIGHTH WALL WITH THE REVELATION THAT THE LITTLE GIRL IS REALLY THE MAIN CHARACTER OF ANOTHER FIC, AND-**

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

**BUT WE'RE NOT FINISHED YET, NOOOOOOO, THAT IS NOT THE WAY THIS ENDS, BECAUSE WE STILL HAVE A TOTAL OF FORTY-THREE FREAKING WALLS TO GET THROUGH AND YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, AH HA HA, AH HA HA, AH HA HA HA HA!**

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

**Okay, I think my work is done here. I think my caps lock is crying out in pain again. So we might as well be done here, as to give it a bit of relief. I'm not a sadist after all. Ciao, everyone, and see you next time.**

GAAAAAAAHHHH!


	14. STRIFE!

**Gamemaker**

**Scarlett POV**

For once in my life I have honestly no idea what is going on around here. Every ounce of logic, of rationality, of reason has been thrown out the window into the abyss. Chris is dead, Chef is insane, and the Games have been destroyed for no apparent reason. The least I can do is get the rest of these idiots out of here before it's too late.

The three interlopers, referring to themselves as Matthew, Lauren, and Jairo are escorted inside. I smile grimly as they tremor nervously.

"Who and what are you?" I ask. "You obviously do not come from here, so what is the deal?"

"Okay, I hate to say it, but you're in a fanfic," the Hispanic one says. "We come from a different one. It appears as though the portal out of here is located near the Cornucopia, so if you just allow us to use it then we can be out of your hair forever."

"Uh, Jairo..." the one called Lauren tugs at his sleeve. "Are you sure–"

"It's fine. But Scarlett here obviously won't believe me, so just...leave the backup plan for later, okay?"

The third one, Matthew, twitches around, continually moving in a constant manner. He seems incredibly anxious.

Jairo turns to me. "So. Let's hear it. How we're all insane and how we're going to be executed. Come on. Out with it."

I shrug. "Go ahead and use the portal."

Everyone stares. Matthew speaks up. "You mean...you believe us?"

I nod. "Go ahead and use the portal."

On the off chance that they really are raving lunatics, if they don't make it out alive, then we can easily murder them. It's no big deal, although how easily we can explain this to the general public is up for debate.

"Get them a hovercraft!" I bark, and the guards run off.

Lauren moves closer to me. "Are you sure?"

I shrug. "I'm sure. Nothing to it. Just get out of my sight. Now."

I hold up a gun and point it at them, just to freak them out. "NOW!"

They scatter, and run away. I chuckle to myself. It's nice to have a little stress relief now and then.

I turn around to see a blond teenager in strange clothes standing behind me with a scowl on his face.

"Why is it that I always get here A SECOND TOO LATE!" he bellows, gesturing madly with his hands.

"Where the hell did YOU come from and why are you here?" I ask.

"SOMEONE is messing with me, and I think I know who it motherfucking is," he growls. He turns to me. "You. Why didn't you keep them here?"

I back up a bit. "It wasn't my problem. It's that simple."

"You detained my agent...using nothing but manipulable, useless mooks?" he asks. "No. I sincerely doubt it. But I apologize. You won't even remember any of this anyway."

* * *

Sam moved through the facility calmly. A guard strode over to detain him however immediately forgot his purpose and joined him in his pursuit of the OCs. Another walked up and immediately turned around. The guards started running after the fleeing OCs, and Sam smirked as gunfire was heard. Nobody could escape every single guard in the facility–and oh shit they were already on the hovercraft and already heading to the portal.

Today was not his–my day. God. What's the problem here?

They've left. I can feel that now. Might as well not even bother talking in the third person anymore. I am already here, aren't I? I snap my fingers and the air ripples. The least I can do is fix up this shitfest of a fic. Starting with the chapter with...uh, *spoiler*'s death. Authorial powers are interesting. The ability to create a "cosmic retcon" is one of them. As far as the audience is concerned, the chapters currently in the FDTD fic were as serious as ever. None of this OC shitass mindfuckery never happened.

Which is of course a good thing.

Chris McLean walks by, celebrating the recently concluded Hunger Games, not even noticing me. He grins and high-fives a few people. The timeline has been fixed. Thank God.

Morpheus Chef walks up to me. "I'm sorry, sir. I failed."

"It wasn't your fault," I yawn. "They have LEL on their side. For now. He's obscuring things as always. It won't be too long before he turns on them too and tries to bring the whole authorverse down."

"How do we prevent that from happening?" he asks.

"ScrowmegMeha should be taking care of some of the other OCs as we speak," I say hesitantly. "But it wouldn't really surprise me if they managed to worm their way out of death again."

My agent sighs. "Shouldn't you just talk to him? Try to get him to listen to reason?"

"He's a troll, all of this is funny to him. That's the way he rolls."

I smile as I see the victor of the Games finally wake up from surgery, through my authorial vision. Good. Things are back on track here.

I guess that means I don't need to hang around here anymore.

I smile, snap my fingers, and I'm gone.

* * *

Midnight, James, and Aurora wandered the streets of No Quarter. The investigative team had concluded that they were raving lunatics and had attempted to lock them up, but fortunatley Aurora killed them all and they thus managed to escape.

"Was that really necessary?" James asked her.

"Yes," she replied. "What, you think it wasn't?"

"No, I don't think it was," James said indignantly. "Midnight, you rational right now?"

"Maybe maybe not kinda sorta," said Midnight.

"We need to find the portal out of here," James said. "And that means no going around murdering people for no reason, and no going around being all oblivious to everything! ARE WE CLEAR?"

"Bluh," Midnight articulated.

"You guys lost?" a voice called, and the legendary Pencil God, Mal himself leapt down. "I could probably help you out a bit."

"Uh, aren't you Mal?" James asked rhetorically. "No. We're fine. Thank you. Right, Aurora?"

Aurora was drooling. "So...hot..."

James facepalmed. "What about you, Midnight?"

"Well I think he seems alright, don't you?" Midnight said, facing the wrong way with his back to Mal. "I think he seems like a jolly good fellow."

"You guys are OCs, aren't you," Mal says, and James's stomach dropped.

"How do you...know that?"

"I know a lot of things. I also know where the portal is."

James scratched his arm nervously. "Okay. Why should we trust you?"

"You're outlaws, I'm an outlaw..." he notes. "I have the ability to see past the Fourth Wall, you know. I don't know why but I can do so as long as it's funny. I can't do anything to rebel against Sam. Directly, at least."

"Is it funny right now?" James asked.

Mal snapped his fingers and a laugh track played.

"Okay, whatever," James said. "Anyway–"

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Mal grinned as the laugh track interrupted James.

"Can you–"

HAHAHAHAHA!

"Could you please–"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Turn that stupid laugh track–"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Mal grinned trollishly.

"STOP THAT STUPID LAUGH TRACK RIGHT–"

Mal turned the volume all the way up and drowned him out with the sound of tinny, canned laughter that grated the eardrums of everyone there.

Midnight turned around and stabbed Mal in the gut.

"THAT'S IT, WHERE'S THE PORTAL? I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKER, WHERE IS THE MOTHERFUCKING PORTAL?"

Mal whimpers as blood trickles down his shirt. "The...fountain..."

Midnight smiled cordially. "Thank you."

Mal's neck snapped.

James and Aurora just stood there for a moment.

Then Aurora took a huge intake of air. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU KILLED THE HOTTIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!"

"Oh God, not another Leslie," James groaned. "And nice job, Midnight."

"Thank you!" Midnight chirped.

* * *

The fight between the cast had gradually dwindled the cast down to about thirteen, left. Namely, Scott, Scarlett, Alejandro, Heather, Sugar, Topher, Samey (who had snapped and murdered Amy), Zoey, Trent, Brick, Noah, Sky...and Sadie for some reason.

The twelve stood around the room in a faceoff. The thirteenth, AKA Noah, was still reading behind his chair. Meanwhile, Michael and Belinda were whimpering next to him.

"So what now?" Scott asked. "I mean, this was bound to happen and all but what now?"

"We FIGHT! DUH!" Sugar snarled. "I JUST MURDERED ELLA I'M FEELING TOO GOOD TO DO ANYTHING ELSE!"

"Seriously!" Sky yelled. "Everyone just needs to CALM DOWN!"

"KAAAAAATTTTTIIIIIEEEE!" Sadie sobbed.

"Is my hair damaged?" Topher asked.

"Anyone else want a piece of me?" Samey growled.

"YOU ALL NEED TO DIE! AHAHAHAHAHA!" was Scarlett's contribution to the discussion.

"I actually agree with that," said Heather.

"I'M THE NINTH TO TALK!" said Trent.

"You all are insane!" Brick said. "Listen to reason!"

"NO!" Zoey yelled.

"Ladies, gentlemen," Alejandro smooth-talked. "Let us not be like this. Just calm down now."

"This ALL STARTED," Scott yelled, and pointed an accusatory finger at Michael and Belinda. "When THEY CAME ALONG!"

"Oh yeah?" Belinda grinned. "BRING IT ON!"

"Belinda, no," Michael said, bringing her down. "Don't antagonize them."

"YEAH!" Sugar said, and charged them, flipping the table and nearly crushing them.

Noah didn't even move.

Sugar picked up the table by its end and slammed it into Michael, but was quickly slammed in the face by Belinda, who promptly took the jewel-encrusted knife in Sugar's pocket and slit her throat.

Michael staggered to his feet before ducking away from one of Trent's lunges before chopping him in the neck and breaking his back.

He turned to see Alejandro ready to kill him, and he screamed as the Hispanic prepared to end his life.

Janet slammed right into him, sending him crashing into a wall, where he lay in a daze.

Scott fought in hand to hand combat with Janet while Leanne calmly picked out the weakest remaining player, namely Sadie, and easily took her out.

Belinda fought Sky, who fought reluctantly but with force, before Sky was mowed over from behind by Michael, who grinned almost psychopathically.

Heather and Samey tried to jump Janet at the same time but ended up stabbing each other. Janet just looked confused at this.

Scarlett stabbed Brick in the back, sending his body splayed across the floor. In fact, Scarlett wasn't even trying to kill them, she was continuing to just kill the other canon TD contestants. Her next victim was Topher and then Zoey, before she was jumped by Leanne and Belinda, who ended her quickly.

A tumbleweed could have probably blown through the room. The only ones remaining were Scott and Alejandro, who narrowed their eyes at each other, and Scott, Alejandro, Leanne, Michael, Belinda, and Janet stood.

Noah was still reading his book.

Scott let out a yell as he drew back a fist to punch Janet, but cried out in pain as Belinda stamped on his foot before punching him in the face, knocking him out. Alejandro took advantage of the distraction and stabbed Michael in the gut, but it was in vain. Janet chopped him in the throat and promptly killed him.

The OCs had taken a dark turn.

Michael calmly loomed over Scott. Look at him looming, all...looming and loomy.

And quickly ended his life.

It was silent in the room as they observed the carnage and mass murder they had caused.

Finally, Noah spoke up.

"Great team effort everyone."

* * *

Leslie, Peter, and Da Zeke screamed as they flew through the door from the What Would Max (and Scarlett) Do? session. They lay in a heap, groaning.

"Oh, hey guys!" a voice said, and they looked up to see Matthew, Jairo, and Lauren in the lobby as well.

"Yo, what's up my homies?" Da Zeke asked, only to be shoved aside by Leslie.

"Oh my God oh my God OH MY GOD!" Leslie squealed. "JAIRER IS REUNITED!"

It was quiet for a moment before Peter and Jairo gave each other an eye roll glance, realizing that "Jairer" was now their official ship name. How...is that even pronounced anyway?

Matthew applauded, but promptly tripped again.

"Guys, there's a problem," Peter said. "Apparently, ScrowmegMeha, the guy who sprung some of us from Chef's control in the afterlife, is now working with Sam. He kicked us out."

"We just got left behind in that Hunger Games fic," Jairo said.

"Hello?" Lauren asked.

"I see," Peter replied. "Alright then, but we should be wary, I think he said he was going to be here soon...to murder us."

"That doesn't matter!" Leslie chirped. "YOU'RE JUST BACK TOGETHER NOW, SO EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY FOREVER!"

"YEAH!" Da Zeke cheered.

A battle cry, and ScrowmegMeha promptly arrived in the middle of the tear-jerking reunion, blasting the OCs back with force.

"Sorry about this," the agent said sadly.

The six OCs prepared themselves for the confrontation, balling their fists and readying their stances. This would be a true test of their skills, of their patience. They had never engaged an agent on their own before, and they knew that the chances were bleak. But they would persevere. They would fight fate and everyone who would try to exterminate them. They were READY for the epic battle that was undoubtedly about to happen! And they were fully prepared to DIE FIGHTING FOR WHAT THEY BELIEVED IN.

FOR GLORY. FOR HONOR. FOR–

lelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelLELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELELE**LELELELELELELELELELELELELELELEL**

Oh for fuck's sake.

LEL crashed through the wall of the lobby, bringing the confrontation to a halt. Leslie screamed and promptly grabbed hold of Da Zeke, before the raccoon still on his head hissed at her and swiped her off. Peter and Jairo ducked while Matthew wasn't so lucky, and was slammed full force by LEL, knocking him out. Lauren just stood there next to LEL, who promptly ignored her and tackled ScrowmegMeha.

Cat noises were involved for some reason as LEL and ScrowmegMeha fought, and it was all the OCs could do to just stand there and watch as the two rolled around, scratching and kicking, until one of the doors in the lobby that had been boarded off, labeled BEYOND THE FOURTH WALL. The two rolled through, the door closed, and locked.

It was quiet for at least twenty seconds.

Then Peter spoke up.

"If that door says 'Beyond the Fourth Wall' then why didn't we just go through there in the first place?"

"Because it's not the real world," Jairo explained. "It's another fic. A completed one, I believe. LEL has bought us some time. Come on."

"We need to find the others."


End file.
